I looked out the window. I saw leaves falling from the trees. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like if I were a leaf, slowly falling off the tree branch and gently hitting the ground beneath me. I also wonder what it would be like to be a bird. I'd get to go anywhere I wanted, when I wanted. If I could, I'd fly all around the world. I would love to see all of the different countries and cultures. Yet, all I can do right now is get ready for school.
I walked into the kitchen to get a bottle of Orange Juice and then I heard, "Bailey, where the hell are you?"
Ugg, I hate it when my mom calls me that! She doesn't understand that I am a boy! "My name is Blake", I think in my head before actually saying, "I'm getting a juice, mother!"
"Hurry up, you're going to be late for school!"
I set my Orange Juice on the counter before returning back upstairs to get my phone and backpack.
I walked back downstairs and grabbed my car keys off the rack.
I heard my father ask, "Where the hell are you going this early in the morning?"
My father is a drug addict and an alcoholic. He never really knows what's going on around here. I don't understand how my mother is still dealing with him. I'm hoping that she leaves him soon, even though I know it will never happen.
"I'm going to school, father. I'm a Senior in highschool, I go to school this early in the morning."
I try to explain but he just looks up at me, from the couch, with one eye open and responds, "When I was a Junior, I dropped out to marry your mom. That was a great decision."
I stood there speechless for about ten seconds before walking out the door.
I took my phone out of my pocket and I plugged it into the Aux Cord. I like listening to Hard Rock, Screamo, Alternative Rock, and Punk Rock music. I also wear eight band bracelets, a choker, I have Snake Bites, and size zero Gauges in my ears. So, you can see where the word, "Emo" comes from. I also am Pansexual so, "Faggot" isn't really the correct word to describe me. I just need to quit thinking about that name altogether.
I arrive at school and I already have people standing around my car. They are all staring at me like I am the most popular guy in school, but I'm not. I am the exact opposite of that. I am the most unpopular guy at school. I don't understand why everyone wants to be popular though. What good does that prove in the long run in life? I'm not even sure, but then again who is?
"School sucks!" That's what I hear everyone say, but they actually have friends. Me, well, I'm different. I don't have any friends. Yeah, I know, it's hard to believe, but it's the truth. No one here likes me. They all call me names like, "Fat", "Ugly", "Worthless", but the one that makes me really angry is when someone calls me, "Emo Faggot". That is the one that makes me cut. It's not true what they say you know, "Words can never hurt me". Words do indeed hurt me.
I walk to class, alone. It's the same thing everyday, "No one wants to walk with someone who's a lesbian". That's what most girls say to me. I'm not a girl though, so that's where they're wrong. Even my teachers hate me, "Bailey, did you even study for this test? You got the lowest grade in the whole class!" Everyone always laughs when they ask me that. Sometimes it bothers me so much that I wish I had the guts to respond, "I would've studied if my father wasn't a drug addict and an alcoholic who is always screaming and yelling at everyone. He's extremely abusive to my mother and me and I can't study in that kind of environment." If I were to say that, maybe people would be less mean. Who am I kidding, that would just make them treat me even worse.
I feel like the only class that I can be myself in is music. The teacher actually thinks I have a good voice. She's probably the only light that I have in this dark, horrible, depressing world. The only thing that makes me not like her is when she calls me, "Bailey" and when she says, "You have a wonderful voice, but it sounds kind of boyish." What part of that doesn't anybody understand? I am a boy!
It's finally lunch time. I can actually sit back and relax at my own table. I have no one who can bother me and everything would be perfect. Nope, that's not what happens. I always have to have at least three guys gang up on me. I hate bullies. I wish I was able stick up for myself, but I'm not strong enough for that. It would just annoy them and I don't want to do that.
Bernard is the meanest bully. He is known as the, "Leader." His face is red and filled with pimples. He also looks like he's maybe around two hundred fifty pounds.
"What did mommy pack her little baby for lunch today?" Bernard asks as he shoves my shoulder. I sit there speechless and in fear as he looks down at me. "Aww, is the poor little baby gonna cry? Wahh Wahh, cry, cry, all the way home to your mommy. You know she can't save you here, no one can. No one here likes you. Don't you get that?"
I sit there and I try not to cry but, a few tears still slowly fall down my cheeks.
I sat there, crying for a while. I wasn't even feeling hungry anymore. I reached into my pocket to make sure it was still in there. I got up from my table and walked into the, "Girls" restroom. Yes, I have to use the girls room. I walked into the stall and locked the door behind me. I sat on the top of the toilet and reached into my pocket. I pulled out the razor and begin to graze my skin with it. My wrists have so many scars and marks but, it's time to add more to them. I slowly begin to cut my skin and with every cut I think, "Life will get better soon." It never will though.
After I cut, I walked out of the stall to rinse my face and wrists off. Of course the one girl bully just so happens to be in the restroom at the same time as me. Just there's something different about her. She's crying and her wrists are covered with blood. I am too scared to say anything though. I know she can see my wrists too. We had something in common. I walked away from her and went to the sinks on the far end, away from her.
I begin rinsing my face and wrists when I feel a cold hand touch my shoulder. I hear a voice saying, "Cutters are weak." I slowly lift my head to look in the mirror. I wanted to see who was talking to me. I caught a quick glimpse of the girl. It was Evalynn, the girl bully. I couldn't say anything though. She quickly added, "And if you think that my wrists are bloody for the same reason as you, then you are mistaken. This is from the last person I punched. I am crying because I think I broke my finger and I can't let Brian know I was crying." Brian is the Captain of the Football Team and Evalynn is the Cheer Captain. They're known as the, "Star Couple".
Evalynn rinsed off her wrists and she was right. There weren't any cuts at all. I'm guessing she beat that person up pretty well. I pretty much ran out of the bathroom after that. I felt so embarrassed but, when don't I. The bell rang for the next class. I stood in the hallway, looking around at everybody passing through. I heard girls laughing and guys cheering. There was just me, standing there, all alone. I wish I could just stand in the hallway for a little while longer but, I have to go to Science Class.
