Black & White

Chapter One

My name is Jessalyn, I guess, though I just go by Jess. But enough with the introduction, I'm bored. I'm here for a reason, and that reason is to tell you the story of my life. Not from the beginning where all I did was eat, sleep, and shit. No, I'm going to start from where it all started going downhill.

Not to be a bummer or anything but we were so happy. We were so genuinely happy. Or I was. I can't speak on behalf of her because who knows what her intentions were, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. You don't even know who she is yet.

Clarissa and I had an on and off friendship since we were children. Our parents knew each other so we knew each other. We would play Nancy Drew games when we were 8, jump on the trampoline when we were 10, and go camping together when we were 12. Not much else happened in between. It was one of those friendships where you just kind of picked up where you left off no matter how much time passed between.

The summer of 2013 is where our friendship truly began. That summer, we had been texting often in a group chat with a couple of other people. It slowly turned into private texting between the two of us, and soon after, hanging out. We lived in the same neighborhood so one of us would walk over to the others house. It was usually me.

Her mom was strict and we could only hang out one day a week, and it was typically Wednesdays. During the summer we would watch movies, take walks, and just talk. As school started, we began hanging out at the library to study together. Good times. Until they weren't.

Everything was my fault. No matter what I did it was all wrong. She was never happy with me and went as far as telling me I was too happy and it needed to stop. Well, it certainly has now. I was abused. I was emotionally drained by the end of the whole thing. Completely empty and exhausted.

She was so controlling and angry. One time, I wanted to wear a plain black dress with shorts underneath to a concert and she was so upset by that idea that she tore through my closet to find something else for me to wear. She called her mom after I insisted on the dress and got her mom to scold me for making such a poor wardrobe decision.

Another time, we watched a movie and on the way home I stuck my head out the window to feel the breeze. She told me I looked like a golden retriever and closed the window on my head. Who does that!?

The last thing I'll bring up is when she got my blog shut down because she thought I was copying her by just having a blog at the same time that she did. Who knew only one person in each friendship could create a blog? She never posted on hers again.

May 11th, 2014 is when my life completely turned to shit. She ended it. Blamed it all on me. Pointed out all my faults. Left me all alone. She didn't care that she shattered my world, because for months after she continued to torment me.

I know you might be thinking that it was for the best and she wasn't treating me right anyway, but she was the closest thing I had to a best friend. I had so many amazing memories with her I just tried to repress all the bad ones. We traveled to D.C. together. We trick-or-treated in the rain. We told each other everything. I couldn't let that go. I can't let that go.

I still crave her attention.