black veil brides (fan fic)

the dream and the goodbye!

It was her... She was smiling… why was she smiling?… she laughed, her voice like chiming, beautiful bells, her face alight with beauty and glee…NO…. this is all wrong… why isn’t she angry, doesn’t she realize what I did…. What I did to her? ... “NO NO STOP IT! STOP IT! NO, NO”

“NO” I woke up screaming, I couldn’t stop, tears streaming down my face creating a pool on my vest which clung to the fabric of my skimpy vest, clawing at the bed sheets, my chest felt restricted, I couldn’t breathe. I bowed my head down into my lap, sobbing harder, my breath coming in short bursts, trying with all my might to grab the girl from my dream, to clutch her to me.

Needless to say Andy was freaking his shit, like practically having a fit of his own as my world spun, while he tried to calm me, of course to no effect, he placed his had on my back and I jumped up off the bed, my hands outstretched before me, keeping him from coming any closer.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice shaking, his eyes looking at me wide with terror. A panic that I had not yet heard resonated and which killed what little control I had over my actions. I tensed up, trying to stop my tears, or even suck them back in, to, again, no effect. to reverse the thing that had made such a beautiful angel cry out in worry, as Andy just had, but I simply could not, my already red eyes persisted in their stream of tears and rather that stemming the flow, my efforts seemed to only heighten the sobs to a point where I had to sink down the wall of my bedroom in order to keep from fainting. I put my head between my knees, breathing unsteadily.

“Please, no, come back” I pleaded to the soft carpet of my floor, in a quite voice, stammering as it went. “I'm so sorry, I’m so so sorry, just come back, please” I whispered again, to the image of the girl who had haunted my mind for 9 years. I was so so sorry.

It took me about ten minutes to return to my, somewhat shaky however, normal state.

Andy still was looking at me as if I had just died, which it felt like I had, the rooms silence broken only by my stammering breaths and the over head fan wiring away. Still unable to thing cognitively, I stood up from my space at the base of the far wall and walked over to Andy, sitting down next to him and sheepishly looking up at him, embarrassed. I had disregarded my dream as simply that, a dream, something that, however painful, I had to forget, even though my heart had a hole from that memory. I flopped down, lying on my back like a rag that had been tossed aside and stirred at the fan making lazy circles, creating even more confusion in my messed up head.

 Andy lay down next to me, wiping my eyes with the corner of the bed sheet, his face still worried, I tried to smile. Tried.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah… yeah I’m fine” I said, heaving a breath “just a bad dream”

“Oh, it sounded pretty seri-“

“please just leave it” I said, getting up and kissing him on the lips then going to the kitchen and grabbing an apple and lying down on the sofa. Blegghhhhh. I didn’t feel like doing anything today, but this was Andy’s last day, so I would be happy, for him.

We spent the rest of the day making my music video, of which Andy featured only to tell me how badly I was doing from behind the camera.

“You’re bulling me” I said to Andy “he is totally bulling me” I said to the camera, sitting on my piano stool and stomping on the pedals.

“I AM NOT, you’re just terrible at speaking to the camera” he said, I gave him evils.

“Well at least I… I…” I struggled to find an insult “at least I don’t have an unnatural love for penguins” I said, laughing at my cheap quip.