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July 20th 1992.
DEVANTE SWING
Two whole weeks had gone by since the last time I saw Maia and she still hadn't come back yet, she wouldn't even answer or return any of my calls. I don't know where she is, but I hope that she's better off now that she doesn't have to worry about me and all the bullshit I come with anymore. Over the course of the past few days, I came to the conclusion that it was best for me to leave too, finally part ways with the big apple and go back to my home in New Jersey. I was even thinking of selling the apartment, seeing that it now really had no use since no one would be living here anymore. I definitely did not need two houses.
I think it was about time I left anyway, I needed to clear my head and get away from the distractions. . . specifically Static. Being in the same city as him and knowing I can and most likely will run into at any time had me on edge. Every time I was around him I felt so out of control. He made me so weak and vulnerable, and I didn't like that shit, not one bit. I think that's part of why I always ran, I didn't wanna fall up under his irresistible spell yet again, only to get my heart broken. Again.
But deep down inside I knew that a huge part of why I didn't wanna run into Static was also because I still wasn't ready to admit my true feelings towards him. It was easy admitting all of that shit to Maia, but actually and I mean completely coming to terms with my sexuality once and for all and doing it in front of Static was different.
As bad as I wanted to be with him again, I just couldn't. He didn't approve of anything I did and he clearly couldn't stay away from his little boy toy longer than five minutes for him to even be able to commit to something serious again.
Basically, he fucked up my trust, and now I can't trust him or anybody else, and it's gotten to the point where I've hidden myself even deeper into the closet. Our past and his wrong doings keep coming back up, and it's stopping me from being true to myself. Now I may have possibly fucked up probably one of the best things that have ever happened to me friendship/relationship wise in years because I'm constantly trying to be somebody that I'm not.
But whenever I do see Static again, maybe just MAYBE I'll be ready to confront my feelings for him once and for all, in hopes that I can get something out of him in return other than a sore ass, jello legs, a tear stained face, and wet pillow.
Because I do need him.
Suddenly, my pager started to go off, growing obnoxiously louder over time. I impulsively rolled my eyes, automatically assuming that it was Static, seeing that he had been calling me everyday nonstop for the past two weeks. I sighed, pulling the small black object out of my pocket and looking over the number. My eyes widened, noticing that it was a 704 area code, which was the area code for Charlotte. Now curious, I picked up the house phone and dialed the number.
