A road where our story starts

JUST A DREAM

Have you tried to love a person which is unreachable even in your dreams? An individual that is impossible for you to see in person? It is hard and painful but it seemed to be fated. It is a one sided love. This is the story of me and him. I can never called it 'us' because it will never be.

He was never meant for me. He’s famous, rich and out of my league while I am just simply one of his million admirers. I am a nobody.

I don’t want to specify his name in this piece. I don’t want anyone to feel pity at me knowing that I can’t hold my farthest dream.

I know the fact that he is unreachable but I still can’t help myself. I’m still hoping that one day, I will take a path that can intertwine and connect with his path so that I can see his face close up even once.

Truly, I envy those girls which can hold his hand. I'm getting jealous to those people who can hug him anytime they wanted. So to the person whom he loved, love and will love, please take care of him for me because I can’t wipe away his tears whenever someone makes him cry. I can’t chant a song for him whenever he’s lonely and tired. I can’t hug him if he feel so alone and broken. I can’t kiss him once everything seems a mess for him. I can’t do those things for him. I can’t state a single word because it’s impossible for him to hear my shaky voice from miles apart. I can’t get near him to encourage him on everything that he does. Distance in time, space and status are our barrier so I just can’t. I just can’t because I am just nobody. I am just someone admiring him from the other side of the world.

Far away, I hope for his smiles and laughs to be mine alone. Maybe I am that selfish as you think but I can’t help myself. Whenever I see him smiling, I feel so fulfilled. Those smiles are my ecstasy while I am living in the darkness.

I saw him posing at a social media. His captions were too dark. Is he sad? I can’t stop myself from worrying. Why do people beside him can’t make him happy? I know that not all the time, a person remains happy but to think that he is sad right this moment, something inside me gradually cracks making me in pain. Yeah, I think I am infatuated. Gush, maybe I am infatuated from someone beyond my league.

I am infatuated to a person who I didn’t met once in my life. I just saw him act and I just get his pictures from his Instagram account. Is it because of his physical appearance? Am I that shallow?

Maybe.

But why does my heart telling me that it’s not the only reason? What do I did wrong? I don’t know what is happening inside mw. I don’t know how and why I am like this. He is a famous artist and I am nothing, why pursuing him? I keep on scolding myself but my senses doesn’t hear my plea. It has its own mind. My inner doesn’t hear my voice from the outside instead it hears me from within.

I know this is irrational. I am fooling myself for hoping on someone who doesn’t even know my existence. Probably, I don’t care about it. I don’t care about myself anymore. I just care about him.

What a sad story! This is what will happen if you keep on admiring someone unreachable. You will just hurt a million times. The pain is simultaneous to how may beats your heart does. The more beat for him, the more painful it goes.

Sometimes, I can’t just imagine how painful I felt because my senses are getting more numb every time I feel those crazy beats. Until now, I am still hoping for him to notice me even just once. It is enough compensation for admiring him all my life.

Now that I confess, I should also tell him the wholesome truth. I am the girl who he and his sister met almost fifteen years ago. I was lying when I said I never met him because I did once. I miss his eyes and the scent of his hair that summer. I hope he still remember me no matter how long it was. I wish he could read this. I wish he’s taking good care of himself. I wish he would know that I love him from a far.