A road where our story starts

The Most SINFUL Thing

THE MOST SINFUL THING

Sometimes, the worst thing that could ever happen is to get tired. Get tired to listen, to talk and to mingle with the persons that means a lot to you. You wanna know why? Lacking of love. It is hard to love someone when you found out that they were so selfish. They brought problem that cannot mend a solution. Those ideas are just hurting people but what hurts the most is the fact that they choose few paper bills over someone that was tightened with their own blood. Very irresponsible! People are group of headaches. They keep on making everything miserable for others. Those evils are not doubting to hurt others for the sake of themselves. Very pathetic creatures on earth!

I cannot blame persons that are philophobic because I feel that we're on the same boat. Yes, recently, my heart failed to love. I admit that truth. My heart seems to be that senseless, useless and functionless. It cannot feel anything yet for me, it is better than to feel those worthless emotion. I am poker face. I really know. You don't have to mention it. I have nothing to show. Wanna know, why? I don't want to. Just as that. I am free. No hurt. No sleepless nights. No dry eyes. No tears. No happiness. No rejoice. Just plain and mundane sense better than something you can feel. It is the best thing you can feel-- NOTHING.

I don't hate feeling something. I am just tired of facing those head bursting problems alone. All my life, I do face it. All my life, I am alone in that dark place with a puzzle-like problem. Yeah, recently, I just realize that being alone is a gift, maybe because people are just a kind of bothering creature. They cause pain. Only pain. Oppss.. I can't feel anything by now. I cannot mend it again. Please, not again. I'm tired. 'People, stop bothering me. I suffered a lot because of you. I am so tired.' Heartaches are not bearable. Above all of those, the most sinful thing is hate. You started to hate when you get tired to love. Maybe, I'm not in to hate but I am one step forward from it because I'm tired to feel everything including hate. I am emotionless. I am me. This is my real self. Can you still forgive me if I act like this? Can you still accept me? It you're perfect, please judge me! You judgemental 'cause I failed to feel anything again.