Alone

Almost Lost,Almost Found

I can hear this ear piercing ringing in my ear that makes me want to jump. But I can't move, it's as if I had been paralyzed. Somehow I manage to open my eyes. A bright light is shown through my vision, almost blinding me.

"Em....Emma can you hear me"?Wake up Em".
"Her pulse is dropping"
"Do something help her!"
"Take the parents out now"!
"No"!
*Mumbled talking* Today will be in the 50s,75 percent chance of rain. I woke up to the sound of tv playing. I tried to role over but I couldn't. I felt something holding my arms and legs. Feeling panic I shot open my eyes. "Oh you're up" a man in a teal nurse uniform said with a slight smile. "How are you feeling"he questioned. Ten seconds go by, nothing but silence in the air. I guess he actually expected me to say something. "Well I'll get the doctor". He then almost rushes out the door. "Sorry" I reply but only in my head.

I turn my head towards the other side of the room  expecting to see mom or dad. But no one was there. "Morning Em" a women in a white coat walks in,obviously the doctor. "Emma" I almost shout. She takes a deep breath in "Oh she speaks" she says sarcastically. "I'm Dr.Wislon, the hospital's psychologist. If it's ok I would like ask you some questions".

"Where's my mom"?
"She's in the cafeteria with your sister,she said it was ok for us to talk". I nod my head, even though I don't really want to talk. "Ok thank you"she seems nice enough but I can't get over that dumb look in her eyes. It's like "Yes I graduated I'm a DOCTOR, better then you all". "Em did you hear me". I hate that fucking nickname.

"My name is Emma you fucking tool". She doesn't even look shocked which made me even more mad. Let's make her mad I tell myself. "What the fuck you look at you stupid bitch"! I pull at my restraints,which rub against my bandages. A piercing pain shoots up my body. I can feel the blood starting to seep through my bandages. A small puddle starts to appear on the cotton white sheets. "Let me out now". I start to fight lounging towards her. "Bring me a sedative she tells to someone in the hallway. "What's wrong with her"? My mom says as she rushes in the room. "You don't even care about me" I scream. I feel a pinch in my arm,my eyes start to get heavy. It's not long before u drift off to darkness.

"Emma wake up,the doctor here to see you" an annoying keep pushing into my arm. "Emily she doesn't have to get up and talk to me unless she wants to, so do you want to talk to me Em- I mean Emma." "No I don't"." You're here on a 72 hour psych evaluation." I'm not crazy". I reply almost silently. "I don't think your crazy, I just want to know wheather your suicidal or was this just an accident".  " I didn't try to kill myself", lie.  She looks over at my sister. "Let's go somewhere we can talk" She then walks out the door. I get up to follow her realizing my restraints were gone. Why would she take them off if u tried to attack last time?

We end up in what I assume is her office. She closes the door and goes to lock it. I can feel my chest getting tighter "NO WAIT, I yell. I lower my voice "I-I mean can you keep it open please". "Alright, how about I keep it cracked". I nodd, she walks over to her desk and takes a seat. She motions for me to sit down. The chair is cold on my legs. "So you want to tell me why locking the door bothers you". My throat is dry and horse"I doesn't, I just don't want it closed." She sighs "ok, so how long have you been cutting yourself"?
"Not long it's not that I want to die"another lie. "It just helps me with the pain". She gets this look in her face, I didn't mean to say that. I hope that she will ignore that, just let it go over your head. "What pain Emma, where does this pain come from". Fuck. My mind races, I bend my head down and start to fidget my fingers. "Emma, I'm trying to help you but i can't if you don't talk to me". A lump forms in my throat,tears start to sting my eyes.

My secret is killing me. I wanna get it off my chest, I can't breath. "It hurts and want it to stop". "What do you want to stop, Emma". "He-" "Dr. Wilson a letter was dropped off  for Emma. He hands me the letter. Inside is a get well card.

It said " I miss you and hope you get better. I hope you know I will always love you. You know we're in this together. Every time I watch you Em my heart skips a beat. I hope you never get hurt. Love You know who". "Emma who is it from" Dr.Wilson says interrupting my thoughts. "Uh no one important". "So what were you going to say, who is He?". "I'm fine"lie, "School is just hard and the kids aren't the nicest. Uh can u go now". She gives me this I know your lying look, but she says "ok, I already scheduled your follow up appointments with your mother. You can go now".