Heroes

Chapter 6

[...but we're dancing with the demons in our mind...]

Anders left before the sun had fully risen. After the first few seconds of shocked realization, I came to terms with the fact that, to a certain extent, I had known that this day would come.

In many ways, Anders had changed, but in other ways he had never changed. This was the man, after all, who had tricked me into helping him create an explosion which destroyed the Chantry in Kirkwall. This was the man who had, a few months later, tried to hide a cat in the barn for fear I would disapprove of a feline addition to our household. This was the man who, every now and then, disappeared for "a walk" and came back with a mage on the run.

I did not trust you before, and I learned a hard lesson from that. I trust you now – I try to trust...

That is what he had told me in the quiet of the night as I lay within his arms. Some part of him spoke the truth then, but I knew... I knew that old habits die hard. Anders, for all his love, sometimes needed to do things on his own.

Whatever happens in this war, we have at least our love.

The idiot, I seethed, as I rode away from Crags, leaving Toddy behind on Gran's very cozy lap with a cookie in his hand. He could have at least explained himself. He could have said goodbye!

Even Toddy, Maker help us, had been more content to nibble on Gran's cookie than wave goodbye.

Like Father, like son. I sighed. I shook my head. I clucked in annoyance at Draniun. I chuckled to myself, and found that I had suddenly begun to cry a little. I wiped the tears away briskly, feeling more like an idiot than ever.

-0-0-0-

After my return from Weisshaupt, after my report on the Grey Wardens, and after the news of the Inquisition's victory against Corypheus, Anders had fallen quiet. When the Mages split and began the College independently of the Chantry and Circles, Anders had nodded with satisfaction.

"Your work is done, in a way," I had squeezed his shoulder. "You should be pleased. This is the first step toward autonomy."
"I should be pleased," agreed Anders, but there was a note of doubt in his voice.

I had known then.

"Well," I added after a short pause. "We will have to find you a new cause."
"The fight for freedom is far from over," Anders had been quick to reply then.
"It is not over," I said lightly, "but soon they will no longer need our guidance or aid."

I ran my fingers through his long hair affectionately, and then, after double-checking on Toddy napping in his cot in the corner, I came around the great chair which Anders loved to sit in. I sat down on his lap and twined my arms around his neck and drew him in for a kiss.

"We could use another tool shed."

Anders's blue eyes narrowed. He offered me a crooked grin.

"I knew you had some ulterior motive!"

I chuckled, kissed him again, and wished that I could somehow banish the trouble which brewed behind Anders's gaze. As long as Justice and Anders coexist, I mused, perhaps there will be no peace. This world is, after all, imperfect. There is no peace for everyone under the sun. There will always be trouble in Thedas.

And so, a month passed, during which time Anders went out and scoured the countryside for any who would need his aid. Some days I would join him and we would work together as we had once in Kirkwall, fighting darkspawn, banishing abominations, and executing any mage or Templar who disturbed the peace from the water's edge of Kirkwall to well within the boundaries of Navarre.