Shattered Reflection

Chapter Fifteen

Natalia's POV

Stephanie hasn't come by my room in two days, not since that incident. The competition is taking place tomorrow and I couldn't look forward to something less. I'm being fitted for a dress today. From what I've gathered from the maid's chatter, I'll be stuffed in an obnoxious amount of dresses and I'll have to choose one.

I sigh and watch the clock. I was told the designer would be here about midday. Its an hour past. What could be keeping them? A sudden knock startles me from my pity party.

"Enter," I say coolly.

Maids and seamstress enter the room with a rack of dresses and I roll my eyes. I stand and they all curtsy to me.

"Excuse our tardiness, my lady. May we began?" One of the maids ask.

"You may," I say, my tone emotionless.

Dress after dress after dress and I don't speak. I give them no indication that I'm even alive inside. I refuse. The aura in the room is so dense, you could cut it with a knife. They know I'm not happy. The tension between my "mother" and I is a not a secret in the castle, but no one dares speaks it outside these wall, less they face the queen's rage.

"What about this one, my lady?" A handmaiden asks after she finishes lacing the corset. I turn and yet again, I remain expressionless.

Its a forest green dress and my heart tears just a bit more. It reminds me of him. Loki. My Loki. Well, I guess he isn't mine anymore. I ruined every chance of him ever loving me, or this body I'm stuck in. I feel the stares of everyone in the room and I bring my attention back to the dress. I shake my head 'no' and one of the handmaidens approaches me cautiously.

"That's all the dresses, my lady." I turn and look at the rack.

I walk over and skim my hand over all the different gown until I come across a pitch black one. I pull it off the hanger and hand it to the staff.

"T-This dress wasn't suppose to be on the rack. I don't think your mother will-"

"Do you think I care about what my wretch of a mother wants? Put it on me." I demand, my tone ice cold.

"Yes, my lady."

They lace me up in it and I turn to the mirror. Its an all black dress and I know my mother will just hate it.

"Its perfect."

They nod and take it back off me again and I put on a silk robe. I leave the room and walk through the halls. I come across the music room and I wonder in.

I sit down at the Sou-Lea once more and strum my fingers across the strings. I make some tuning adjustments and began to play. I was just doing it to cure my boredom and let go of some frustrations at first, but it quickly got more passionate. I poured my anger and my frustration into the notes, my sadness and loss, and my pain of losing the man I love. I think back to the past, the moment I met him...

"Who are you?" I ask

"Well I asked you first," I says and he cracks a small smile.

"My name is Loki," He says

"Oh, you're Odin's son are you not?" I ask. He nods his head slightly.

"Yes, I still don't know who you are," He tells me.

"My name is Natalia ," I respond.

I was so broken then. I was unloved, unknown. I felt as it my life would never equate to more than the walls of my prison. Then, he found me. He found me and saved me. For that I will forever be grateful. Then I remember that pond he loved so much...

"I want to show you something," He says and helps me to my feet.

All of his armor disappears and he takes my hand and leads me to a secluded part of the gardens. A small pond is in front of us.

"This is a very special pond. It has Asgardian like emotions. If it likes you, it will let you..." he trials off and steps onto the water like its solid ground. "It wont let you fall."

I kneel in front of it and take the flower out of my hair and place it gently in the pond. It gives a golden glow. I smile and stand. I carefully place my foot on it and it glows under my feet as I step onto it. I look at Loki and smile. With each step it glows gold around my feet. I point to his feet where it glows gold as well.

I really felt like he was letting me in. It was the first time I felt I could connect with someone for a long time. That pond became a symbol of our love. I desperately wish to see it again. I want it to recognize me. I feel tears run down my face as I think of even the most painful moments...

"Please don't come near me. Didn't you see what I had almost done? I ALMOST HURT YOU!!" I yell out.

"I don't know what happened but we can fix it, together." Loki says and inches closer to me.

"Please stay away! I'm- I'm- a freak!" I say, panicked.

"You are in no way a freak. You're my Natalia. Whats wrong to make you think yourself so?" He asks. I let out a sigh.

"You wouldn't understand. Just, leave. Please," My voice is begging and I pull the fabric of my cloak closer to me.

"Then help me understand, my angel," He continues his slow, cautious, walk towards me.

"Just... STOP!" I yell an a blast of gold ripples under the surface of the water. Loki freezes in his tracks. I feel my breathing quicken.

"Love, calm down. I'm right here. I love you and always will," He says, his voice slipping into desperation.

"I tried to kill you," I say with a humorless chuckle.

"I don't believe you're at fault, love. Thanos had his hold on you for some time. I can't fathom what he's done to you," He reassures me.

I shiver, "This isn't Thanos. What this is, what I am. This isn't normal," I says, my voice breaking.

"Natalia. Nothing in this universe could make me love you any less. I promise," Loki says and I sigh.

"If you're so sure," I say. I take off my cloak. It drops to the water's surface and I turn. All of my skin is gold. My hair whisping behind me like soft fire. My eyes glow as gold as my magic.

"Why did you never tell me this? You're-"

I cut him off."A freak? A monster?" I say with tears in my eyes and I look away.

"Beautiful," He whispers as I whip my head towards him. 

I was so terrified of myself and what Thanos did to me. But Loki didn't care, he pushed through to get me. He saved me from myself and that pain. I can never repay him for what he has done for me.

I play harder and harder and tears steam freely down my face. I pull out of my mind long enough to feel a pair of eyes on me. I stop playing and turn to see Loki staring at me by the door. His eyes hold a deep pain and his cheeks are stained with tears. We lock gazes and stare at each other a moment.

"L-Loki..." 

He doesn't let me finish before he leaves quickly. I hear his footstep retreat and I stare at the door frame. I feel the anger bubble up in me quickly and it soon reaches a breaking point. I let out a burst of energy that smashes everything in the room as I collapse to the floor and sob. I scream wildly and curl up among the splinters of the broken interments. I cry and scream until my eyes are dry and my throat is horse.

Is there no end to this awful pain? 

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AH! I'M SORRY PLEASE DON'T KILL ME.

I know this took longer than it should've. I'm just the worst, but hey. I got it out.

pls don't leave me...

HOPE EVERYONE HAD A SPOOKY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!