Holy: Book 4

Cheating and Coffee

I dreamed. But this time there was no Gene to greet me or point the way. Thus, I found myself drifting aimlessly, flashes of my own subconscious meanderings flickering in now and then. My brain caught onto one and pulled me into it, out of the realm of the foxfires and into something familiar.

Naru was there, dressed as he usually was. But the moment the scene cleared, my heart turned to a strange, burning block of ice.

He had that special, tender thing of a smile that he only ever showed to me. Except I wasn't the one in his arms. Masako was.

A door clicked shut behind me and the two of them separated.

"Go away," said Masako. "No one asked you."

I gaped like a fish. Seeing that smile—that look—directed at her was worse than any kiss. No, Naru could confess his deep dark secrets less intimacy than that simple look. I felt I couldn't breathe. I thought I had to be dying.

Dying, desperate, horrified, I looked to Naru for comfort, anything. "Naru, why did you...what's going on?"

"I can't marry you unless you let me be with her," he said.

"That isn't how marriage works..." Out of all the times for my fiery temper to fail me. I had never felt less angry in my life. I didn't have the strength to spare. All of it had been lost in the gaping wound where my heart had been.

"Just get lost, Mai. I'm sick of having to watch you prance around Naru with that ring on. Do you have any idea how much that made me suffer?"

Even as Masako said it, Naru was reeling her back into his arms, tender smile back. Twice in a few minutes. For me that smile came as a brief flash, never for too long, as it left him too vulnerable in the open.

I stumbled back. Takigawa. John. Ayako. Anyone. Please, someone hold me together, tell me this is all some big mistake.

But no mistake could make this happen. Naru would never act this out, never could.

Gasping, the world blurring about me, unable to see straight, I stumbled out into the hotel hallway, croaking out the names of my friends, anyone. I thought of Naru's mother and wept. I couldn't...I couldn't go through with this. I wouldn't be able to have her—no mother, no father, no little Naru babies...

That last thought sent me to my knees. But instead of hitting the floor, my shoulders hit somebody's hands. The next blink and I was hanging limply in their arms, drained of all ability to move as the mortal pain throbbed over my body, making my eyes melt from my skull in tears and my breath too quick to catch.

Somehow, my face rose up. Somehow, I could see through the blur.

A woman held me, wearing a simple white polo uniform with black slacks. She had dark hair that hugged her sharp cheekbones and framed the narrow, despairing eyes.

"You never had a chance," she whispered.

I woke with a gasping sob. For a full minute I stared at the darkness, struggling to catch my breath, startled at how I could have slept so long while sobbing so hard. The agony was still sharp in my chest.

A knock came at the door.

"Mai? You okay?"

Ayako. Oh God, please let that have been a dream.

When I opened the door, light from the hallway poured into my room, shining a bit of the nightmare away.

Ayako's eyes widened. "Dear, what's wrong?"