Holy: Book 4

A Different Kind of Fear

Since you probably get the essential idea that I was a traumatized emotional wreck at this point, I'll fast forward to after I got properly dressed out of my new unwanted booty shorts (they were more like panty covers at that point, butt cheek hanging out and all, poor John), got my lip to stop bleeding, and returned to base. I was less than thrilled to find curtains closed, the lights on, and the fancy ornate wall cloak pointing out 9:45.

The whole team sat at the couches chatting to one another. I couldn't look at Masako. I didn't want to know what she thought when she looked at Naru and knew the bruises around his neck and his bloodshot eyes were because of me.

Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, I edged the wall like a mouse and made my way to Naru's side at his laptop.

"I can't believe your hands are that strong," he said conversationally.

"They aren't," I said. I went to say 'that was all her,' but I didn't really feel like talking. What I felt like was going home and curling up in my bed forever. Or murdering someone that was already dead. Seriously, I didn't care what stupid little vendetta she had to stop her from crossing over, possessing me to strangle my fiancé? So not fly. That's murdering material right there.

"Are you sure Mai should be allowed so close to him?"

I froze. Masako. Oh Masako Masako, why'd you have to say something that's probably right?

"We're at base. Naru had the kakai barrier set up, remember?" said Takigawa with an undertone of warning. John had probably told him the horrors of an erupting Mount Mai.

"I'm not sure I'm confident in her ability to set up such a barrier."

Ayako let out a noise of frustration. "Don't you go starting with that attitude, I saved you're sorry ass before, remember?"

"Three years ago. Have you been useful since then?"

"Of course I have! You've just been too busy being the star to come to cases anymore."

"Oh sad, I have a job. I'd think being a doctor would keep one more busy, or are you inept there too?"

"Okay, what is your problem?" asked Takigawa, which was saying something as the men generally headed for the hills whenever anything like a fight picked up between the women.

"All I said was that I don't like the idea of letting Mai be around Naru after almost strangling him to death. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me—"

I stood up. "Don't bother, I'm leaving."

Takigawa stood up from the couch at the same time as John. "No! It's not safe—"

"That's right." Some of the fury from the hour before leaked back into my tone. "It's not safe. I'm wearing John's crucifix, so unless this chick has a messed up medium formula like the hospital ghost, I think I'm good. Good night."

"Mai!"

"Shut it, Monk, I don't want to hear it."

It wasn't till I was half way to my room that I realized why I felt hurt. Naru hadn't bothered to stop me. He hadn't even looked up from his computer. Did that mean he held it against me...? Was he perhaps...afraid of me?

The door to my luxurious room snapped closed behind me, and the empty space gaped wide. I hugged myself tighter and tighter until every joint in my arms and hands popped.

Hell, I was afraid of me.

I couldn't see how I could sleep, so I dug out my extra large T-shirt from the dirty laundry (stupid ghost had to ruin my favorite pajama pants—why?), some clean underwear, and left them on the counter for when I had finished drowning myself in a hot shower.