Broken Connections

II.

To say that I've had a tough time these past weeks, trying to re acclimating myself in this environment has been deadly. It wasn't just just the jet leg, although that sucked balls too, but I had to go about my new normal, without my sidekick. I mean Rory was there for the first few little while, but then she had to leave on a business trip with her dad. They were going back to London for a week to visit family while her dad had work there. I also had to try to find a job, but with my heart totally not in it I wasn't getting very far.

"Elle, honey, I'm leaving now, if you need the car the keys are in the bowl on the entrance table." My mom hollered up the stairs of our penthouse apartment, knocking me out of my self-pity party.

"Okay, have a good day, good luck in your meetings." I shout back and go back to perfecting my resume. Sure, I may have a degree in English, but that doesn't mean it'll be any easier to get into the field I hope to get into. Seems like nowadays everyone is wants to be a editor. I turn back to my laptop sitting atop my desk, with my resume cover letter open. My fingers dance over the keys, when I look up to see what I've wrote tears brim my eyes.

'Harry, I love and miss you so very much. My life means nothing with out you, I hate feeling this way, but I can't help it. I hope your doing better than me, but in reality we both don't know what to do with out the other. Remember when I went to London for the weekend with Rory, just before she left for Toronto, when I got home you told me you were lost for the entire 3 days, you hadn't eaten or slept. I was the same.'

It was such a simple paragraph, but it was exactly how I felt. After I read what I had wrote I decided to call Rory, she could usually help me get over my melancholy.

"Hey Elle, what's up?"

"I'm just feeling it today. I was writing my cover letter for my resume, but nothing came out right, I just wrote to him. I can't do this Ror. My mind is over flowing with memories of him. I can't think of anything but him. Rory. I'm sick."

"Girl, you're not, it's normal, he's the love of your life. You've got to realize that this isn't right, you guys made up your minds to never see each other after you moved back, but that's stupid, nobody but you two agreed, I know long distance is hard, but you guys were so strong, so in love, if anybody could do it, it's you two. I know it. Just call him, tell him you love him too much to let him go. Eat your pride and do it. It's what's good for you. I know you Elle, there's nothing you can do to get over this but to talk to him."

"I know, but Rory, I can't, we agreed, he's probably moved on. He's probably sitting at some other girls table right now having dinner."

"Get some sleep, I know that you have a hard time sleeping when your not with him. Take a sleeping pill, the doctor prescribed to you just after you got back, to help you get over the jet lag. Bye Ellie, I've got to go now, my families calling me for dinner. Please just get some sleep and I'll be home in two days."

"Bye. Love you girl. Miss you." I hang up the phone and close my laptop before moving to my bed. In the drawer of my side table I find the small bottle of pills, I shake one out and swallow it quickly, then turn over and cover myself with my comforter.

---

"Ugh, Uni is so much harder than high school. I had an almost perfect grade point average in high school, and now at mid terms I'm only at a 75%. My parents are not going to be happy. I never thought that an English degree would be so difficult. If my grades keep dropping I'm going to need a tutor." I say, looking at my online reports. It's not like I'm not trying, it's eight weeks into this semester, and my grades have just been steadily dropping, every paper they drop another point or so. I do all my homework, something is just not clicking like it did in high school.