Chapter Five
Revealing what hurts the most
I explained everything that had happened to me between abby and them and how I felt (please refer back to "The Note" for more) and let out everything I could about why I had to do what I did, and more importantly why I still wanted to do it. I had to trust them this time. I couldn't afford to hurt them like this. Especially if I could be stupid enough go to be unsuccessful. They sat silent and un emotional throughout. As if they were sucking it all in before they could judge. Honestly. I didn't know how I wanted them to take it or react, I was just hoping it wouldn't be uncomfortable. But it already was. I finished with "I am sorry" housed to myself. Knowing that it couldn't make up for all the pain and suffering I out them through. I had pondered on this long enough in order to realize I had cause them much more pain than I had myself, that it hurt them too. But the was still a pounding sensation inside of me that still wanted to do something about my pain, to end it, to die. But I couldn't tell them this part. Maybe I could sometime. When I truely wanted help. But not now. I wasn't ready for that.
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