When It's Right, It's Right

Chapter 1

"Oh my God!" I groaned out loud as I grasped my head in my hands.

What the hell was I thinking? "I just want to know what it would be like" why would I say that? UGH!!

And what did I say about stringless fun? God, I am such a hypocrite! What was I thinking, making out in a dressing room at my grandparents vow renewal!? I mean, I was actually going to have sex with him!

In hindsight, thank God Mom, Luke and Dad all walked in, or else I would have... lost... my... (Great! And now I'm hyperventilating!) virginity! In a public place... at a family event... to LOGAN HUNTZBERGER!

We barely know each other, and yeah he's gorgeous... and funny... and smart... And he's been a really good friend lately, especially since the Male Yale Meat Market party. But, no! That's not why I've waited this long, to just give it up in the heat of the moment, all because my body wanted to! No! I want it to actually mean something!

It had already been a week since the vow renewal, and I had thought the intensity of the moment with Logan had worn off, but clearly it hadn't. We had gone for coffee last night, and when he dropped me off at my dorm he practically took my face off with the force from which he kissed me. Our pulses were racing, our tongues duelling... we had stopped to catch our breaths, and I took the break as my opening to cut the evening short.

I hadn't had the guts to renege on my proposal to him, but I really didn't want to bare the truth to him just yet.

Over the next month or so, Logan and I had hung out a few times, mostly in a group with Colin, Finn, Steph, and Juliet. It was always nice hanging out with the whole gang, because they were so fun, and didn't take things too seriously - which, let's be honest, I could use a few more people like that in my life!

Every time we met up they had a million tales to tell me; like the time they broke into someone's estate in Martha's vineyard and ended up skinny dipping in their pool only to be caught and chased off the property leaving their clothes behind.

Let's not forget the time the girls kidnapped me and stuffed me on a helicopter with them so we could "avoid the traffic" getting to New York City. Once there, Juliet and Steph put us up in the most lavish and expensive hotel they could find and then proceeded to burn holes in their credit cards buying all 3 of us a wardrobe's worth of new clothes and shoes. I can't say I was comfortable with this but they wouldn't take no for an answer.

Sparing no expense there were always excursions like massages and concerts as well as good old-fashioned girl time sitting around talking and painting our nails. Now they might not be as grounded as Lane or as intellectual as Paris, but Steph and Juliet were pretty great girlfriends and they were always up for a good time. In all honesty without my mom around all the time they were decent proxies for the honorable Lorelai Gilmore.

Then there's Colin who was always up for a good debate, he was a great sparring partner; if only he could keep his elitist points of view to himself and conjure up a valid argument then maybe I would feel like I had some actual competition.

In the end, it was always good fun because it didn't matter the topic Colin somehow always ended up with his foot in his mouth. At which point Logan and Finn would automatically jump in, taking advantage of their smart-mouthed friend's ability to get flustered and razz him to no end. Which made Colin even more red-faced and agitated and usually the night would come to an end with all of us in stitches, laughing over Colin's inability to compose himself.

However, the biggest surprise to me was the friendship I had formed with Finn. It seemed that we had more in common than anyone would have ever guessed. He grew up in society, but he wasn't raised with his nose in the air, and he had an actual aspiration to take over the family business and to be successful at it. He also took his studies pretty seriously, although he would NEVER say it out loud... you know, because he has a reputation to uphold and all.

It took me forever to pinpoint it but Finn reminded me a lot of my mother- short skirts and lipstick aside, well wait come to think of it they did have similar taste in nail polish colors, but that's another story. But seriously he was fun loving, energetic and could reference movies and music at the drop of a hat. Finn was a ball of energy much like my mother and enjoyed life to the fullest.

The thing I loved most about Finn though was his ability to make me feel comfortable, there were often times when the girls, or Colin or hell even sometimes Logan would make me feel small for not having lived enough, or taken enough chances and Finn would sense my discomfort and manage to change the subject or remind them "Well that's why she's got us" or "maybe we're the lucky ones since she's the only one with a head on her shoulders, Lord knows where we'd be without her" he would say

Then there were the many times Steph and Juliet insisted on doing a makeover on me and while I was feeling shy and embarrassed Finn would pipe up "What does she need a makeover for, she bagged Hunztberger didn't she" I recall him saying one night.

It never failed, anytime he paid me the smallest compliment I blushed like a teenager who's crush had said just said hello! Finn just let me be myself and he accepted me for who I was. Which when I think about it even Logan tried to get me to change or mold me to fit into his circle better, but not Finn he just let me be.

Not only had my and Finn's friendship grown, so had my relationship with Logan. We had gone out on a few dates, usually ending up with a heated make out session against my dorm room door. We were both really busy though; I had the newspaper, finals were coming up and family time. He had finals as well, plus, well... there was also Sarah, Julia, Tiffany and wait - who was the blond...? Oh yeah, Jessica.

Truthfully I didn't mind him seeing other girls really... Why. You ask? Well, honestly, because it took a lot of heat off of me and the fact that I hadn't ended up in Logan's bed yet. I was still trying to justify losing my V-card to a guy I wasn't in a serious relationship with. Yes, I liked him - A LOT - but deep down, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

The problem was, I knew that if I told Logan I was still a virgin, he would leave me in the dust so fast my head would spin.

Yes, he told me time and time again how special I was to him - that he had never had a connection with a girl like the one he had with me... did that make me want to forget everything and ask, no, beg him to ravish me, but I didn't.

But, it did make me feel like it was not all wasted, that maybe eventually I would be able to be with Logan even if there were no labels attached.

Deep down, I knew that if I was really that special to him that he would give up the harem and tell me that me being a virgin wasn't as big a deal to him as I was making it out to be, but I just couldn't bring myself to do anything about it either way.