I think about it all the fucking time. It would be so easy just to end the pain, suffering, and self hate that I feel on a daily basis. No more depression, no more cutting, just ignorant bliss. I don't know what will happen, but what I do know is that it will be better than the way I am leaving right now. I can't live with who I am. I am living in a constant hell, and it's killing me; it's actually slowly driving me insane. So the real question is: How will I do it? There are so many options: hanging, suffocation, drowning, slitting my wrists, overdose, jumping, electrocution, and so many more. I've written so many suicide notes in the past years, and I've never actually gone through with it. Suicide is NOT the cowards way out. A person has to be going through the worst physical and emotional pain imaginable to even think about ending his or her own life. And I've finally gotten to that point. No, I am not brave enough to end my life right now. Maybe I'll build up the courage to do it some day, but at the moment, I'm hanging onto a small strand of hope that maybe my life will get better. But my hope is wearing thin, and soon that strand will break. Not today, but maybe tomorrow. Who fucking knows? I just hope that one day I will be brave enough to do what I've had planned for so many years
