alaska - hariana

0.8 : when there is pain, there is healing

They stopped in Watford, finding a cheap hotel to stay in. They had connecting rooms so they would not be completely separated from one another.

Ordering a pizza, and finding some old movies that were available to watch, they all sat down in front of the TV. It was "one of those" nights, they all laughed and cried, made jokes and played games  - it was just a night they would not forget, one they would forever cherish.

"What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?" Harry asked the group that was still giggling from Louis' previous joke.

"What?" They asked in unison.

"Oh sheet!" He cackled.

Harry's jokes were usually stupidly funny and usually only he would laugh, but this one, to them, seemed oddly good.

"Did you google that, Huckleberry?" Alaska asked.

He blushed and turned away, "Nope."

"You're such a liar!"

And to them, this was just one of the greatest nights, on the greatest road trip, with the greatest people.

Alaska couldn't ask for anything more.

Ariana couldn't.

Not Liam, not Harry, Niall, Zayn, Louis. This is everything they have ever wanted.

How were they so damn lucky that they got to spend the best months of their lives with people like them?

-

The early morning dew has yet to lift off the ground, the warmth of the sun has not had any effect on damp leaves and flowers. The cool breeze blew her hair back, some of it falling in front of her eyes.

She felt his presence behind her, "Tell me a secret, darling."

"The first time I fell in love with a girl was at the bakery we worked at." He said after being silent for a few moments.

"How did you know you loved her?" She asked, running her fingertips across the white railing of the hotel porch, her fingers leaving streaks in the dew.

"There were a lot of reasons, and I think all of them lead up to that moment of me realizing that I loved her. I was 16 at the time, she was 15, I had been working there for a few years by then and her first day was the first day I met her. I was told to show how to work the register and take orders, she knew how to bake, which was obviously required, but the first time I had her open the register, the giggles that escaped her mouth sparked something in me."

She listened, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration of everything he was saying. By this time, she had started making her way down the porch and to the grass and sat underneath the tree. He followed her, keeping his distance.

"She had tried to keep them in but she busted into a fit of laughter, her tongue barely peaking out of her mouth, just like the way you do when you smile. That drew my eyes to pay more attention to the little facial expressions she made while working. She would frown and bite the inside of her cheek when she died to remember where a certain button was, and would have a huge smile then she got loud all over her apron, she would laugh so hard with Mrs. Hemingway that the corners of her eyes would crinkle and she'd snort into another fit of giggles."

She remained silent, the only thing you could were her slow breaths and the quiet chips of the morning songs from the birds.

"I loved the way her long, curly brown hair would fall across her face, I loved the way she would braid it into those two little braids, I loved the way she carried herself, I loved the way she spoke to everyone, of every age, of every race, with kindness and love, I loved the way she would hum little tunes even if she did not believe her voice was pretty, I found it to be beautiful. I loved the way her pajamas would always match but the socks did not. I loved that on our first date she would hide her face behind me when there was a scary scene, and how she would hide it when she cried. I loved that she expressed herself, without caring about other peoples thoughts or opinions. I loved the way she would always take care of me when I'd come knocking at her door at three in the morning, smashed from a night out with the boys, I loved that she would place me in her bed in fresh clothes and she would sleep out on the couch so  I would have my space."

His voice had begun to crack at this point, and this made her look up at him.

"I fell in love with the way she loved life, and how she lived it. She was always up for something new. I fell in love with all of those little things, I could make a list of million more." He choked out.

Ariana had gotten up and walked towards him, studying his face, watching how is eyes threatened to pour tears but he wouldn't allow it, he swallowed them down.

"She didn't love all of those things, though. And one night she -"

"You don't have to," Ariana whispered.

Harry shook his head. "She didn't love those things enough to stay. She was in pain and she never told me. She couldn't take it and one night, she left all of it behind. She took so many pills, Ariana, so many, and in some way I feel like she counted all of the mistakes she could and labeled each pill as one, and downed each and every one of them, knowing they would no longer effect her."

Harry couldn't hold it in any longer, his tears fell from his eyes and his eyes showed so all the pain he had tried to hold in, and his voice spoke that pain.

Ariana grabbed hold of him, and he collapsed into her arms. She slowly brought him to the ground, holding him and giving small kisses to his head.

"I miss her so much." He confessed.

"I hear it." She said.

His hold on her was so tight, she felt everything he did, because their hearts were connecting, and every heartache that he had she felt in her own.

She couldn't tell him that it would be okay, she couldn't tell him that he would be happy, she couldn't tell him anything, because in the end, nothing she could say or do would make a difference or fill the hole that has formed in his heart.

"I'm sorry I asked." She whispered.

"I'm glad you did."

And so they sat there, in the dry grass that was no longer coated in dew because the sun gave its warmth away as it does everyday, instead, in the grass that laid wet under Ariana's legs were the tears of pain and love.

-

The wind whispered to them that day, as they walked around, through the parks and down through the city., it whispered someone cold and chilling, but loving at the same time. It blew the weeping willow tree in Ariana's, and now Harry's, favorite spot, it blew the long, golden hair of Alaska. That day, it had whispered something to them, they just hadn't realized it at the time.

Why?

Because hearts don't break around here. They aren't supposed to, that's not how it goes, it isn't fair. But, when is life ever fair? When there is light, there is darkness, when there is rain, there is shine, when there is pain, there is healing: nothing is fair. There is always a negative to a positive and a positive to a negative.

There was love amongst the group that day, it was a different type of love. Not the 'wow I love my friends' love or the 'they are my family' love, no, this one was indescribable. And that love suited them because there were indescribable, and they always would be, even after their deaths.

-

Las Vegas, i am so sorry.
more love. more peace. more unity.
stay safe, i love you. - Ariana