the flatline project

x. flatline

x. flatline

I always knew

that I wouldn't die a great hero

or as a fragile body in a sea of white and beeping machines many years down the track.

it was a fantasy

a foolish hope

that I would make it that far.

death has been breathing down my neck

ever since I took my first breath upon the lands of this earth.

it follows me and pleads with me to fade away into nothingness.

nothingness.

I wonder what that feels like

tastes like

looks like.

does it sound beautiful?

or will it make your ears bleed?

nothingness.

a desperate hope.

a wistful dream.

a set goal.

please

please

do not say that I did not try

because I tried so hard every single day.

I tried

and tried

and tried

yet I am still regarded as a waste of space

as a useless failure

as a worthless bag of bones.

I am destined

to live

six feet under the ground

before the youth

has drained from my blood.

you shouldn't entertain the foolish notion that everyone can be saved.

alas, this is not a notion that is even remotely close to the truth.

the reality of it all

is that some are just beyond saving,

and I am one of them.

my mind has become one of my greatest adversaries

and I can no longer hold out against it.

I have fallen prey to the darkness.

I know.

it is a difficult truth to swallow.

a difficult truth, yet an invaluable one.

not everyone can be saved.

I've lived with the pain clawing clawing clawing at the walls of my mind for far too long, screaming to be noticed to be heard to be acknowledged. 

but it cannot be ignored forever, 

no matter how much 

I would like to forget 

that there's something

d e a d l y

inside of me.

we are a part of a society that destroys the souls of those whose minds turn against them.

society