coffin kisses » jason dilaurentis

seventeen: aftermath

2010

"I never meant to get us in this deep. I never meant for this to mean a thing."

She spent most of the night curled up at her vanity with her chin resting on her knees as she stared at the reflection of every window in her room. Albeit less comfortable, it was a better option than laying in bed. From there, she could only see her door. It made her stomach churn with the thought of such vulnerability.

Maybe there hadn't been anyone there. But the paranoia was persistent. If someone was watching her, she would watch back. Even in the confinement of her tiny bedroom, she didn't feel safe. She never did anymore.

But as the morning sun peered through the windows like a nosy neighbor, Jo knew it time to give up. She couldn't see A, but A would always see her. What was the point anymore?

She finally moved her tired eyes from the windows' reflection to her own. It wasn't any better a view as her skin was littered with splotches from crying and scrapes from the busted glass. Her hair looked dull, her eyes glassy and hollow. It was a vision of hopelessness.

Running a fair amount of concealer over her imperfections and a coat of mascara over her lashes made a sizable difference, but it didn't cover everything. She still looked haunted even as she changed into a rose-colored sweater and braided her hair back.

There was nothing more she could do to hide from her wounds. At least not until she played along with another of A's games.

She ran hustled downstairs to grab the rest of her belongings before school. At the kitchen counter stood her mother who was clutching a steamy cup of coffee like it was her last lifeline.

Katelyn was still in her robe without a hint of makeup on her face. She took a sip from her mug, taking notice of Jo's approaching steps. "Can I make you something before you leave?"

"I'll get something at school."

"There's still time to call the school if you weren't feeling up for class today."

"I'm going to be okay," Jo said. Neither of them believed it.

There was a strong sense of doubt in her mother's eyes before she finally gave in. It would've been better for Jo not to be alone with her thoughts anymore. Even if schoolwork seemed trivial, it was a needed distraction.

"Okay," Her mom mumbled. She reached for the coat hung over the back of the dining table chair and handed it to Jo. "Don't forget this."

With one last hug from her mom, she took the coat and walked out to the squad car that was waiting for her. Opening the passenger door, she jumped inside.

"How'd you sleep?" Garrett asked her as he handed her a cup of coffee in a styrofoam cup.

"I didn't." She pulled off the lid to take a sip, hissing at the scalding temperature. "Thanks for this again. You give my mom some peace of mind when I'm with you."

"It's no big deal."

She took another swallow from her drink, feeling it wasn't doing enough justice at waking her up. But there was something she always kept on hand in case her day needed a boost. Jo unzipped her bag and searched for the little grey flask. She shook it twice and realized there wasn't much left before she poured it all into her coffee.