Eternally Yours

Chapter 7

When life offers you a dream so far beyond any

Of your expectations

It is not reasonable to grieve when it

Comes to an end.
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The only people who think there is a time limit to grieve have never lost something so dear to them that they feel like they’ll die if they let go. I never thought I could sink this deeply into my mind, spiral into such a dark place that the thought of death would be better than that of life, but here I was, unable to pull myself out of the dark abyss I was living in. I needed someone’s help…however that’s the only thing I don’t have. I came to a realization after about a month of being truly alone. Absence and death are the exact same thing, it’s just that in death, there is no pain…in that moment, my decision was made forever.
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“I’m telling you, she’s not going to want all this.” I explained to my best friend who was bouncing up and down like the energizer bunny in her own living room. I had gotten dressed up for the birthday party Alice insisted on throwing Bella, and right now I was standing in my mates arms, rolling my eyes at the over the top party that my sister didn’t even want.

Bella and I have grown apart lately, she’s been spending all her time with Edward and she resents the fact that I don’t like them together. It’s not that I don’t like Edward as a person, although that was very true, I don’t like who my sister became around him, a submissive puppy who did everything she was told. I watched Bella walk into the room with Edward and smiled as Alice took a picture of them before turning to me and snapping one of Jasper and myself. “For her scrapbook.” I nodded, smiling at my sisters’ discomfort before she began opening presents.

“Oh, I left my gift in the car, I’ll be right back! Keep going.” I quickly ran out the front door and grabbed the canvas I had gotten her, a painting of her and Edward on it when there was suddenly a loud crash and snarling. I left the canvas in the car, sprinting back to the house and seeing Emmett and Carlisle holding Jasper back from lunging at my sister, who sat bleeding on the floor in a pile of glass. “Jazz! It’s okay Jasper, calm down. It’s just a little blood. Relax. Shh.” I tried to calm him and hugged him tightly, feeling him inhale deeply against my neck and relax, allowing Emmett and Carlisle to let go of him. I held his head against me, not allowing him to move away before I jumped, wrapping my legs around him. “You need to get out of the house.” I felt wind rush around me and I was quickly laid against the grass with my mate clinging to me.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry darlin’, I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s okay. You didn’t hurt her, I shouldn’t have left you in a room alone with a vampire and his clumsy blood singer. You felt the blood lust of everyone in that room Jasper, it is not your fault!” I tried my best to comfort him and through my best efforts I knew he was still feeling guilty as it was coming off of him in waves. “Come on. Drive me home and we can snuggle in my bed instead of on the ground. Bella will forgive you babe, I promise.” He lifted me up and before I knew it he was placing me into his car and driving down the trail, back to the main road.

The rest of the night was spent in silence, we traded emotions back and forth like a conversation, it was one of our favorite activities. Jasper could feel what I was feeling so I sent him an emotion and he would respond to it with a different one. It was like a conversation just between us. I fell asleep that night running my nails against his scalp and hearing him purr in contentment, my favorite way to fall asleep.
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“You had better have a damn good excuse as to why you’ve been missing for 2 days Jasper Andrew Whitlock!” I shouted as he crawled through my window 2 nights later. He hadn’t shown up in 2 nights and didn’t answer my calls or texts, I was about to demand Bella drive me over there tomorrow.

“I’m sorry darlin’…we’re leaving.” I felt my entire body freeze at that sentence.

“What are you talking about? We can’t leave, I still have to finish high school, you promised me a graduation!”

“And you’ll have one. Then you’ll have a job, a house, a husband, maybe some kids…you’ll have a normal life…without me ruining it.” My stomach turned as I began to fully understand what he was saying to me.

“No. I don’t want that Jasper. I’ve never wanted that! You don’t get to decide how my life is going to go! You don’t get to just abandon me because Edward is being melodramatic! Don’t you dare do this to me!” He sighed, hugging me to him tightly and nuzzling my throat, allowing me to run my fingers through his hair and project my abandonment and fear at him, as well as my overwhelming love.

“I’m so sorry darlin’, the family decided that you will be safer without us…I love you so much Hope. Edward demanded I tell you that you were a toy and that I never cared about you but I can’t do that, I will never lie to you about how I feel about you. You are my mate and I love you more than anyone else in the world and one day I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me…I love you darlin’, so much it hurts.” He pulled back and wiped the tears that were falling down my cheeks. “I want you to live a long happy life, please do that for me?” He pressed his cold lips to mine quickly and when I opened my eyes again, he was gone.

“No.” Was my only response before I fell into my bed and curled up into the fetal position.
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I climbed into Bella’s bed later that evening after Sam found her in the woods where her idiot boyfriend had left her. I tried to get her to talk to me, needing someone to lean on, but she didn’t even register the fact that I existed. She barely moved anymore, only going to school and doing the bare minimum before sitting back in her chair and staring out the window again.

My bedroom was currently overflowing with Jasper, all of the Cullen’s really. I was trying to capture them in my paintings before their features began disappearing from my mind. Bella currently had the picture of herself and Edward that I had painted hanging in her room and I don’t really think it was helping her, not that my activities were either.

I really think the turning point for us was the day I burned the painting. Bella had a bitch flip when she saw what I had done. She had been practically worshipping the painting and I knew I had to stop it but I didn’t think she would react like this. She had stormed up to my studio and began smashing every painting in sight. She destroyed every painting of Alice, of Derek, of Emmett, Rose, Carlisle Esme…Jasper…every one of them and though I was heartbroken nothing prepared me for what she destroyed next. She smashed my easel, threw my brushes around, but as she removed the painting from my wall depicting the man and his daughter I ran to stop her. She put her foot through it and smashed it against the wall before finally finishing her tirade. I held the painting in my hand unable to comprehend why I was so distressed about this painting more than my others, more than the ones of my mate, but as I sat there staring at it all I could do was cry. I let everything out, all my tears, all my pain, I screamed and cried and didn’t stop for hours before finally making my decision. I didn’t have Jasper, or the Cullen’s anymore, the people I looked at as my family, I didn’t have my sister, who was too busy with her own grief to allow me to help her or take a moment to help me. Charlie was too busy trying to help Bella, as was Renee who I hadn’t even spoken to in 2 weeks, I truly had no one left, and I really thought about that as I tied the rope to one of the beams attached to the ceiling and stood on a chair. I wrapped the noose around my neck and said one last goodbye before stepping off, hearing the chair fall to the floor, and seeing nothing but black a moment later.