A Spine-Tingling Story - TDG Fanfic

A Bucket List

Mike poked his head out of the office as Ryan walked past. "Ryan, have you got a minute?"

The boy nodded and slunk inside, having a pretty good idea as to what this was about.

"This shouldn't take long," Mike said. "As you know, school starts again in a couple of weeks, and I just want to ask if you feel up to going?"

It was something that Ryan had briefly pondered over before, but hadn't been able to come up with an answer to. Physically, he was still capable of going, despite his increasing fatigue, but most of his classrooms were quite far apart and the thought of making the walk now was nigh impossible. Not to mention people's questions about the cane, and their suspicion over how he'd probably be getting worse instead of better. Ryan wanted to say yes to anything that would bring a sense of normalcy, but cancer had a way of bleeding - or rather, metastasising - into every facet of one's life, making normalcy seem as elusive as a shamrock.

"Not sure," Ryan said in the end. "I mean, I probably can still work, but I don't want everyone knowing I'm sick." Or that I'm probably going to croak it in a few years, he added silently.

"You don't have to tell them," Mike said. "You can just say you're recovering from an injury."

"An injury that gets worse instead of better," Ryan pointed out.

"It probably won't get much worse," May-Li said. "You have the radiation soon, that should help shrink it down."

"I'll give it a week," Ryan said in the end. "See how I do."

"Great." Mike patted his shoulder. "You can go now."

***

"You going to school then?" Jody asked him later.

"Most likely," Ryan said. "Not that there's much point to it. I mean, I'm probably going to kick the bucket before I can go to uni," he added in a matter-of-fact way, as if it didn't bother him.

"You don't know that," Tyler said, joining the conversation. "Treatments are better these days, they could cure you."

"Yeah, for a couple of years," Ryan scoffed. "It's going to come back, it's going to spread and I'm going to croak it. Simple as that." He didn't mention the paralytic surgery as he wasn't sure he was going to get it yet. Finley had said he'd talk to his father, but chemo would have him out of commission for a while. He hoped it wouldn't take too long - if he left it long enough, the cancer would spread far enough that the surgery would be redundant.

"If you're so sure you're going to die, you should have a bucket list," Billie suggested, her and Toni going over to sit either side of him.

"Yeah, do all the things you want to do before you die," Toni said. "Go skydiving, run up an escalator the wrong way, jump in a pool full of custard-"

"That's disgusting," Bailey interrupted, pulling a face.

"And I don't think I can even run up an escalator the right way," Ryan added.

"Don't be so boring," Toni chided, playfully punching his arm (causing him to wince as he had a healing pressure sore on his elbow). "There have to be some things you want to do."

The only thing Ryan wanted to do was meet his mother again so he could verbally rip her to shreds. It was something he'd rather keep private for now, even though knowing this place they'd all find out in the end. He wondered briefly if Finley had a bucket list. The older boy had told him that he'd never been declared terminal, so perhaps it was unlikely.

"I'm not dying yet," Ryan said in the end. "I'll think about it later."

The theoretical bucket list was yet another reminder of his mortality that he'd rather not think too much about. He'd rather focus on Finley and the possibility that his father would allow the hospital to save his life, eliminating the need for a bucket list.