The Defining Line

4: A Mirror's Forgiveness

I lay in the orchard outside Ove's house listening to the birds chirp away at the day. As long as they are free to act as they please I guess things will be okay. Words can't even begin to explain the feeling of confinement that surrounds me, but if I am to try, I will say that its dreary, suffocating, aghast, bounded, hampered...

"Astrid." a funny voice disturbs my depressive thoughts. I don't recognize the voice as it proclaims until I see the face it belongs to; Ove.

"I need to speak to you." he waves his arms dramatically at his sides in fists before placing himself beside me awkwardly, I know he isn't too sure about our union by his flat lip and dull stare, he almost looks tired.

"I'm here." I smile the best I can, but I feel a certain lack of enthusiasm.

"There isn't much we can do about our marriage tomorrow so I figure we better start pretending at least to like each other." I nod, but not very sincerely. Ove pulls a box out of his inner jacket pocket and places it on my knee which is brought up to my face. "I figure you should have an official engagement ring and try to make this as real as possible."

I can vaguely see the box balancing on the odd curvature of my knee, it takes me a moment to pick myself up but I do and reach for the lock of the box. The ring is a simple gold band which I place on my left hand. I half expect a larger ring because of the money I know he has, but part of me is happy he didn't go out and buy the biggest one in the market place because I know if it was much bigger I wouldn't wear it.

"Thanks." my voice cracks from a whisper to a weak squawk.

"I, umm... I love-"

"Don't please." I stop him. "I won't force it if you don't." I smile at him weakly, if he didn't know better he would probably think I am tired. I also sense his slight contentment as I say these words. "We can put on a show for our parents but if you want you don't have to be dedicated to me if you don't love me."

"Astrid, I chose you. It's not that easy."

I open my mouth to oppose him but his hand reaches for my shoulder. Physical contact? I think this is the first time it has happened between us since the market place.

"We will make this work alright?" Ove breathes fresh air and lift his cheeks.

We will make this work I guess.

*.*.*.*

I sit in front of a gold plated mirror with roses and vines spinning wildly around the corners while my mother stands behind me fixing my hair into her hand. She pulls the long yellow strands off the back of my neck and lifts it to the top creating a messy bun of a sort, I don't believe she is particuarily doing my hair as much as she is just enjoying combing through my locks with her fingers, quite possibly the last time she will see me as her daughter instead of a grown woman.

"I'm glad you came." I say to her spreading a smile across my cheeks. We share the same grin, and will share the same wrinkles in the corner of our lips once I too reach her old age.

"Yea, but they made me change my clothes." She holds out her pale green dress similar in shape to the one Ove bought me yesterday. "I guess our class isn't exactly welcome here." she smiles again, but I cannot bring myself to smile. "I can't believe you are all grown up, all these years have caught up to you so suddenly." My mother changes the topic and lets down my hair falling to the small of my back and begins braiding the sides around my ears.

"I don't know how ready I am for tomorrow." I mutter through my lips, I wonder if she knows what it's like to marry someone you don't exactly know or like.

Looking through the light layer of dust brushed over the mirror, my mother is humming a light tune like she always does. Clearly is more excited than I am about the marriage and the fact that I may bring her and my family out of poverty, but my hands shake at just the thought. To me there is more to life then just having money and being forced to stay with Ove for the rest of my life is; unbearable.

Thinking about it, growing up I would have just as much fun if not more walking down to fetch water for the day, racing Saga all the way back with the bucket full traveling half the speed of which we came with. Children here on the north end get sewn dolls and nurses to watch them because they cannot find joy in playing on their own that is something I will never understand.

My mother finishes pulling on the strands of my hair and takes a step back to see her work.

"Can I see you in your dress?" She folds her fingers over her lips staring at her masterpiece she has done with my hair. I nod and point to the closet where Ove has stored the dress. She could not have been more happy to pull it out and open it for me to step into it.

I twirl in front of the mirror and the long gold trim ends swirl behind me.

My back is open bare with yellow lace crossing, the front is white silk with a yellow accents across my stomach. Yellow is a very feminine colour, most women wear it on their wedding day as men wear blue.

"I think your hair would look nice down." My mother pulls it out of the clasps and braids it over my right shoulder. Once she finishes and catches a glance at me her eyes begin to tear.

"Honey look you beautiful!" I see her stress a smile the best she can even though I know part of it is just to please me.

"Mom, can I try your dress on?" I ask, her face lights up in an instant. She rushes over to her luggage bag and pulls out the folded material out for me.

She places it in my hands but I can already tell the lower quality of the dress.

I slide the smooth fabric off my legs and replace it with the harsher fabric of my mother's dress, it doesn't sit on my body as nice as the other one does. The waist cinches too small, the breasts are too small but as long as I hold my breath in I can make the dress look beautiful.

"I love it!" I smile covering my lips the way I know she would want to see me happy.

"I just want your day to be perfect like mine was." she smiles and holds my back.

Her dress is truly beautiful, the flaws give it character. My mother's love and dedication has been put into this dress in so many ways, it beats Ove's dress for me by a long shot. I hope she can realize that.