A Muslim Girl's Smile (ON HOLD)

Storm of Emotions

~CHAPTER 3~

I let the hot water wash away all my worries. I was tired of having to put on a mask of courage and perseverance. I was tired of having to hide and suppress all my feelings. I was tired of pretending the death of my beloved parents had not affected me. I had been scarred for life by their departure from this world, away from me, for ever. I knew I could never be the same again. I was no longer an eighteen year old girl free to live her life, I was a Muslim girl who had to fight every single day to try to help her brother grow up. I was a Muslim girl who had to smile even when she wanted to cry, just so as to keep her loved ones happy. I was a Muslim girl who had to keep her head on her shoulders. I was a Muslim girl who had to bear with the look of pity everyone gave her. I was a Muslim girl who had no idea what would happen to her only brother and to herself in the future. True, my parents had left Jabir and I a huge sum of money which would last for twenty or thirty more years, but who would guide us in our lives? Who would advise us when we found no way out? Who would comfort us when we would feel sad or anxious? I could and would, In Sha Allah, fulfill the role of the responsible and caring sister, but who would fulfill the role of our Mother and our Father? Nobody would, because only my parents could be my parents. Nobody could take their place in our lives, no matter how hard they tried. These two persons were more precious than any  unique gems, just like any other parents in the world. I missed them... I missed them a lot.

I sighed, wiping away the hot tears rolling down my cheeks. I tried to forget what Jabir and I had talked about earlier on, but I could not. Jabir had once more forgotten that they were gone forever. He could not yet grasp the complex concept of death, and I knew that, somewhere deep in his heart, he hoped to wake up one day and find them in the living room, laughing at some jokes they had heard. How could he understand that those persons he once loved with all his might were gone? Even I could not stop hoping that one day, I would wake up and hug my mother once again, or laugh with my father whilst he worked. The only difference was that I knew my hopes were futile, but Jabir didn't. How I wish I could make them happy once more! My mother had always told me that one values things one has lost, and now, I truly understand what she meant. I was full of "I wish..." but I could accomplish nothing of these. My Mummy and my Daddy... These two persons had made me who I am. These two persons had loved me since I was born. These two persons were my examples and my guides. These two persons forgave my every mistake. These two persons taught me how to live. These two persons did so much for me in so little time... It was as if they had a special power, the power to keep my brother and I happy, and to make us the best humans possible. Once again, I admired the wisdom of Islam, for in the Qur'an, Surah 17, Verse 23, Allah says:

          "Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them but address them, in terms of honour."

Our parents... what would we be without them? And what were they asking for in exchange? Only our love and respect... Couldn't we at least grant them this wish?

I got out of the bathroom and changed into my prayer garments. I prayed Esha, trying my best not to let my thoughts wander away. I had often found refuge in prayers since the past three months, and I felt that prayers were my source of relief and rest. It was as if I could forget everything for a moment and cry my heart out. Nobody would hear me but my Lord. Nobody would see me but my Lord. What was even more amazing was that once I was done with crying, I would feel refreshed and my confidence would come back to me. I would feel ready to fight any obstacles in my way. It was just that I knew Allah would help me out one way or the other, and that I had nothing to fear except Him.