From me, to you

Chapter IV

17th July,
10 a.m.

Elijah Matthews. 24 years old. Such a good man. We met 2 years ago at a festival in Germany. 

We started out as friends , best friends. Last year , at New Years Eve we kissed and I guess our "love" story started there. 

Four months. Four whole months since I had seen him. Why ? Because Elijah was out there fighting for our country. Yes, he was and still is in the US army. He is a proud soldier. A real patriot. When we became friends he never informed me of his plans to joined the army. Not that it would had changed anything. He left four months ago on a mission in Iran. The day he left I cried my eyes out,I remember that day like it was yesterday. 

 We were in the airport. Three hours before the boarding of the plane. He was already in his military uniform. We were sitting in the Starbucks , he had taken my hand from underneath the table to enterwine it with his'.

 "Justine, you know I care about you".

"Yes"

"I will be gone for a long time and I can't guarantee you that I will come back"
"Eli, you're scaring me."
"I am not asking you to wait for me. I would never, but I ask you to accept this ring if you are able to promise me that If I come back you will be there."
"Eli, I ..."
"You don't have to accept this right now, we have two hours to spent. At boarding time you'll tell me your choice.

Words were not enough at that time, I just nodded

"Justine, If you choose to live your life I will understand and we will still be best of friends but at least I'd know not to be expecting you to still be my girlfriend. He took a long breath before he continued.
"This is to protect myself I do not want to come back expecting you while you have moved on ."

"No sure, I understand don't worry"

He gave me a little side smile before saying "Let's do someting instead"

I wasn't really in the mood to do anything knowing he wouldn't be there when i'd go to sleep later but for him i faked it.

"Yeah sure , what do you have in mind ?"

We kept each other busy with some cards I brought. In a middle of a game, thirty minutes before the boarding of his plane Elijah looked me in the eyes and said 

"We've both been afraid of this moment but we have to do this Justine. I need to know.

I still hadn't made a choice, honestly I was hoping he forgot about it. At that moment I said what I thought was for the best. 

"I'll wait for you"

And at that time, I really meant it.

Now it had been four months since we saw each other and we were about to see one another for the first time again after what felt like a year. Will he have changed ? Will he even be even more handsome than he was when he left ? I was asking all the wrong questions. What I really had to think about was do I still want to wait for him ? 

It's not like the promise I had made him stood in the way of any relationship I had because I did not feel the need to be in one, I did not feel the need to replace him. I really cared about him, I really did. He was the most amazing person I ever met. I really loved him and I still do, I am not hiding it but what I had to figure was: what kind of love it was I felt so strongly towards him. I certainly did not want to hurt him or even get hurt in the process but I knew it was for the best. I had one day to figure it all out. 

One day until our meeting. One day until I saw the man I was on the verge of confession my love to. What happened to us ? No, what happened to me ? I changed so much in only four months. I am not going to lie, I was devastated when he left. I spent the three first weeks in my condo crying in bed. I finally got out when Seda dragged me out saying I needed sunlight. 

The questions that had been running trough my head had me all confused. How could I have been so crushed, heartbroken just a few months ago but be acting like nothing happened today?? Although all those questions were spinning in my little head, only one stuck longer than the others. If my recovery was so fast, did I really feel anything or was I just simulating ?