From me, to you

Chapter V

Sunday, 18 July 

1. verb: If you simulate an action or a feeling, you pretend that you that you are doing it or feeling it.  

I had woken in the middle of the night around 3 a.m., well I wasn't really sleeping. I was more like forcing myself to sleep but it seemed like Morpheus was not in the mood to come visite me today. The whole Elijah problem had kept me up all night.  I was meeting Elijah in a few hours, how was I suppose to act around him now ? I needed to sort it out as soon as possible. I did not want to hurt anyone in the process. I normally was the one giving love advice to my friends even though I have very little experience. Obviously I could not use myself in this situation so I did the next best thing , I called my girls up.  I felt a little bad to call them up at such an hour but I really needed them. They had left pretty early yesterday after sleeping over from the party, knowing they will probably sleep over again today I brought out some sheets for them to cover up. 

Thirty minutes later they were all in my living room in their pyjama's.

"What is up girl ? Calling us up at 3 a.m." Alessandra asked in a worried tone 

I breathed in and explained them the situation I was in.  

Jordyn stood up from the couch and sat next to me on the carpet. She looked at me and said " What do you need, ice or advice ?" 

The 'ice or advice' concept found its existence in high school. When one of the girls had a guy problem I would offer them advice and if they just went trough a break-up I offered them ice. In these cases 'ice' symbolized just sitting with that person and be a good friend. Sometimes though , ice just  symbolized real ice cream. 

I smiled, finding it funny how this was the first time they had to use the 'ice or advice' phrase on me. 

"Both"

She came back with a bucket of Ben & Jerry and spoons. Cliché right ? I know. 

"How am I going to deal with this ? How am I suppose to understand my feelings for him, if they even ever existed in only one night ?"

Alessandra spoke the first "You need to figure out if it's him you see when you think about your house with your four kids."

On that moment exactly I knew it. It was not him I saw. He was not the one I saw myself marrying. He was some neighbor, yes but he was not the one I shared a house with. Not wanting to admit the truth I  kept on acting like I was still confused

"I really dont know"  

I think I did not want to admit the fact that I did indeed simulate my feelings for him.What actually meant that I lied to him. When realization hit me  , I blocked out off the entire conversation. I'm pretty sure I had a panic attack. Seda had to calm me down because I had difficulties breathing properly. 

Back to earth, I became conscious of something. Something pretty big. In my 21 years of existence I  had never been in love. Never. Sure I had crushes in high school but I'm talking about real love. The-feeling-goosebumps-kind of love, the-not-thinking-rational love. I actually only knew love in the way of loving your friends or loving your family. How it is to look at a person and see your future in their eyes is for me an absurd thing. I did not know the meaning of love. Yet. 

"Are you okay? Justine ?" Seda asked while handing me a glass of water

I nodded, not in the ability to speak in that moment. 

It was already 4 a.m. and my head was spinning like crazy. 

"I.. I'm sorry girls for calling you all this late for nothing. I am..."

Before I could even finish my sentence my world turned black. 

                                                                                                        ~

Beep, beep, beep 

My eyes opened up, little by little and met up witgreen hazel eyes. The most beautiful green hazel eyes I ever saw. 

"Welcome back Miss Hudson."

Due to my dry mouth my words did not come as fluently out of my mouth as I wanted to. 

"Wh, Wha, What happend ?" 

"You fainted due to a panic attack" 

I guess there was confusing written all over my face for him to say:"don't worry miss, everything is okay now" 

"We just have a few tests to run after that you will be free to go home"

"Thank you Doctor ?"

He gave me a million-dollar smile and said: "Doctor Lambert, Sebastien Lambert" and with that he left the room. 

Not long after my friends rushed in.

"Are you okay ? , Do you want to eat ?, Do yo.."

"Alessandra I'm okay, calm down" 

She took a breath and sat down on the chair next to the bed. 

"Did you see how cute the doctor was?"

"Jordyn, I just came back to life, give me time to recover before you make me hunt for men again." 

Jordyn laughed what resulted to all of us laughing. 

Dr. Lambert came back in with some papers. 

"Hello ladies, can I talk to my patient alone ?"

Jordyn gave me a wink before dragging all the others out of the room. 

"Miss Hudson.."

"Please, call me Justine"

"Justine, all the tests came back, your are in good health but your stress level is pretty high. You should maybe consider staying home for a few days" 

"What if my stress level gets higher ?"

"Let's not thing about the 'what ifs', just promise me you will stay home for a few days and avoid anything that could get your stress level higher" 

"I promise"

He smiled and headed to the door. His hand was about to grab the doorknob when he stopped and said: "You have a very beautiful smile Justine"and with that he left.