A Sunflower and the Pebble

Little Moments

Song: Starving by Hailee Steinfeld, Grey, and Zedd

A moment. A fraction of time. An instant. It's amazing how many things can happen in a moment. A person's life can change in a moment. Bad things, good things, and everything in between. A moment of courage. A moment of hesitation. Some people even fall in love in a moment. But me? I was in love with every moment.

After my ex, I knew what I was looking for in the person I wanted to be with. I knew what I wanted in the person I would to spend my life with. And I stuck to those standards. I can't say that I regret my ex because he taught me so much. He taught me what it was like to love someone, and that life could be worth all the hard times. At the time, he was what I needed, but looking back, I'm so glad it ended. And in the end, he still taught me things. Don't trust everyone who come into your life. Learn from your mistakes. And figure out what you want beforehand. Because of him, I knew what I wanted in life, and I wasn't going to sacrifice the things that I wanted and valued for the sake of others.

So when Callan came into my life, I was apprehensive. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I wasn't looking to fall for someone. I tried so hard to deny the feelings, but despite my efforts, it didn't work. And my best friend was absolutely no help whatsoever. It also didn't help that I had messages from him when I woke up almost every morning. Just another thing I only dreamed of getting: good morning messages. And that's what he gave me.

We talked practically everyday about anything. And slowly, I could feel myself slipping. And it was all these little moments that added up.

I'm a painter, you see. An amateur artist. I don't think I'll ever call myself an artist because I always feel like I can improve, so I call myself an amateur artist. And art is something that is up to each individual to understand and feel. But when you are someone who makes art, it's part of you. It becomes part of your being, it's your heart and soul wrapped up inside you and when you put it to paper or canvas or whatever you do to create, it's letting the world see a part of you.

Callan was, is, an artist. We discovered that we had that in common early on. I remember showing him my paintings, and him telling me that he loved the warm, romantic colors I used. And I told him why. It's my way of expressing how I feel. The warm colors represent my search for joy and happiness, while the silhouettes of couples and the warm, romantic colors express my desire for companionship...or really, to have someone to call mine. He, in turn, showed me his paintings. Most of them had darker shades to them, and so much detail...details I wasn't sure I would ever be able to do. This paintings made me feel emotions I tried so hard to repress. I didn't understand it, why I couldn't understand it baffled me further. But my favorite one was the one with the moon and the snow... In the painting, the moon illuminated the snow that covered the ground and the park bench. You could see the ripples in the ground and the snow that clung to the trees. The painting did more than make me feel calm and tranquil. This painting made me feel the cold, sharp air against my skin. I could feel the crisp air in my lungs and the foggy air as I breathed out. The painting brought me to that place...and I never expected that from him.

Honestly, I'm not sure what I expected when it came to him. Anytime I saw him he always looked so serious, like he knew how to assert himself as the boss. So I guess I expected him to be serious and authoritative, commanding respect with just his presence. Oh but that smile...

It was just a couple weeks before we started talking. He was leaving, and I was on the greeting committee, but I'd been asked to assist the elderly to their cars after the program so really I was on the goodbye committee. I saw him carrying his things and gave him a friendly smile and a wave. I don't know why I did it, it was just an instinct. We'd made eye contact, so naturally I smiled and waved. And for the first time, that I can remember, he smiled at me. His smile lit up his face and his eyes looked so kind in that moment. He walked over and shook my hand. "It was good to see you again." He smiled as he said it.

"Yeah, you too!" I meant it. It was good to see him again. After he left I felt my cheeks warm. A really cute guy shook my hand and smiled at me! I bit my lip and closed my eyes for a second. Why am I so giddy? I'm never like this! Another moment in time...

The smile came again, a week after we'd been talking. I showed up at a party he was at, I even told him I'd be there. My cousin was doing a dance routine and I showed up for about the last 5 minutes of it. My tia was there, too, so when the routine was over I went to her. We chatted for awhile and I tried not to seem too obvious when I looked around the room for Callan. When my eyes found him, he was sitting towards the far corner, but on the front row of the dance floor. I felt my breath catch in my throats and I went back to talking to my family.

"Do you wanna dance?" Wyatt, my cousin, asked. It was a Spanish song, and for being half-Hispanic, I'm terrible at dancing to Spanish music. But did that stop me?

"Yeah, sure!" I said, going around the chairs to Wyatt. Wyatt is an okay dancer. He seems to forget that my legs are shorter than his and takes steps the size of  Texas. I tried to keep up with him, but with him taking such big steps, I couldn't. "Little legs here, little legs." I reminded him, gripping his arm for support.

"Oh yeah. Sorry." He gave a nervous laugh and kept leading me around the room. But stopped moving across the floor when we came in front of Callan. My whole body seemed to warm as I became somewhat embarrassed at my lack of dancing skills in front of him. Oh lord why...why Wyatt?! Why are you subjecting me to this embarrassment?

When the song was over Wyatt and I moved back from each other as he began talking with a girl that was sitting nearby. I tried to act casual as I looked over at Callan. He smiled at me again...and I knew it was all over for me. I smiled back and moved towards him to shake his hand. "How are you?" He'd asked. His eyes looked so gentle and warm, as if he were an old friend I'd known for years. Another moment.

When he asked me my favorite artists. A moment.

Talking about music. A moment.

Sending me silly comics and pictures. Moments.

And I was in love with every moment.

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[A/N] Dear reader, I know my chapters are a little confusing so I'm here to shed a little light on them. Some of my chapters will be in story form, some will be reminiscent, and others could just be poems or letters. Every part will have a song that goes with it, as well. This isn't a normal book nor a normal story nor am I a normal writer. Just keep that in mind. Thank you for bearing with me during all of this.