Note from Jade:
It took persistence and hard ass grinding from couch hopping to making it across the country to one of the finest HBCUs this country has to offer. It took so many silent tears, shattered hopes, hungry nights, I give ups and nothing a...
"Mommy!" a small voice echoed around me. I was seated at a mahogany table with books scattered all around. I looked around the darkness trying to place the source of the voice, but nothing or no person was there.
"Wake up, Mommy!" the voice echoed with a playful chuckle. Not this dream again. I stood from the table and the background to my recurring dream came to light.
My first look was him.
D'Wayne.
My baby.
My lost love.
"Mommy you ok?" he asked smushing in my cheeks. "I saw Gammy died. Gammy ok?"
"Mommy's ok," I smiled placing my hands on his. "Have you seen Gammy?"
He shook his head laying his head on my chest. "Mommy I promise everything will be ok. Your heart still work. He told me."
I nodded knowing he had to be talking about the Lord. Every time I question my faith, I end up having this dream. D'Wayne looks like his daddy, but has my eye color and my nose. I've been questioning a lot lately. My faith. My sanity. My past. Is it bad to question your entire existence?
"Wayne, you know mommy loves you, right?" I sniffed trying to stifle my cry.
He nodded, "I gotta go. I'll always be there. Every time your heart beat, that's me."
"You're leaving?" I asked before everything, including him, faded back to black.
Again with the darkness.
"Sing to me, mama!" Another little voice echoed. This voice was a little more high pitched like a little girl. The room lit up to a scene outside where a little girl was giggling on a swingset. She looked me in my eyes. She was like my twin. Her eyes gleamed a honey brown color as she stared in my direction. "Bubba and daddy told me you can sing. Sing to me, mama."
"I'm ya mama?" I pointed to myself walking a little closer to her.
Someone smacked their lips behind me, "Quit playin' and sing for her baby."
I turned quickly recognizing the voice and saw Eli standing there with a more full beard, buffer arms and a smile that could melt ya panties. I smiled widely turning back to the little girl. "Laila, sing with me."
"Only if daddy sings too," she jumped off of the swings and latched herself onto my legs.
I blew a raspberry, "This is me and you, mama. You're my world."
"My favorite girls," Eli clung to my neck. This felt warm, as corny as it sounds. My heart swelled and I saw D'Wayne in the distance with a huge smile on his face. He faded once again as I felt my future fade away.
Why does everything always fade to black? My body was paralyzed in fear at the things I saw coming at me from a distance. I hadn't even been clear on what exactly it was, but my body knew. My mind knew.
"You'll never get far enough for me not to get to you," he sneered. "Remember who owns you."
"You don't own me," I spoke back softly. "You don't own me!"
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