The psych ward

The beginning outside the ward

Shays POV
I look out my window . I sigh softly to myself trying to calm down. I strip off my robe and step onto the scale. My eyes widen in horror, as a big fat 88 lbs pop up. I know nobody is home so I scream loudly. "I ONLY LOST ONE FUCKING POUND IN A WEEK!!"  I cover up my body tracing my hands and my legs on my scars running up and down my arms and legs. I go back to my bed and throw on a tank top a black sweatshirt, spandex and jeans. I put my phone in my pocket earbuds in my ears and I hear a door slam. "Shit" i mumble to myself as I grab all of my stuff for school and rush down the stairs. I check my Vora and it says I've been fasting for 90 hrs and 50 minutes I smile to myself when all of a sudden a big fat lady is in front of me. I look up, "h..hi mom" I stutter trying to move back, she smiles while her eyes send daggers into my skin making me crawl.  I bite my lip and she slaps me hard making my right side of my face all numb and tingly. "Don't Hi mom me, your supposed to be walked to school already!" I  move towards the door, "Hurry up fat-ass your going to be late for school." She pulls on my arm shoving me into the wall and dropping me onto the floor. She kicks me in the ribs and I slowly black out for a few moments. I slowly get up raising my shirt seeing a big bruise starting to come. I hear voices in my head, "shay your not skinny, shay loose more weight, shay your fat!" Ana says in my head and that's when Emily comes into my head, "go cut Shay, go burn, go harm your body, maybe drink, smoke, or do some drugs." Then at the same time they all yell, "YOU'RE NOT WORTH ANYTHING YOU WORTHLESS FAT PIG!" I drop my  shirt and watch as my mother pulls out of the driveway. I grab my blade out of my back and start counting to 10 as I slowly start getting deeper and deeper. I smile softly as I feel the tingles in my arm as I get up I rip some of my hair out that is falling out and put it into a pony tail. I start to walk to school and run a little bit so I am not late again. I rush into the school and get to my locker just as the free time bell rings showing I have 5 minutes to get to class. I grab all of my stuff that I need out of my locker and slowly make my way to my class. I let my eyes wonder to all the skinny girls and how they have a perfect thigh gap. I get to my class as I sit down in the back softly letting my music stay blasting as Amnesia by 5 seconds of summer comes on. I smile softly again and then lean back. Everyone rushes into there seats all staring to the back at me. I start thinking as the voices start again more loudly, "Hey shayyy they are looking at you again. I wonder if they think about how fat you are. Hmm they probably do because look at your fat worthless body. Look at the girl in the corner, shes laughing at how skinny she is compared to you and all the friends that she has and you don't. Look at the boy he's talking about how nobody will ever get with a fat ugly pig like you. He is talking about what a horrible person you are. See nobody likes you even the teacher. Look at him! He knows what everyone is thinking, he knows look at him trying not to laugh." I start to tear up when someone says, "Don't cry you big fat baby." I stop and listen to the teacher bore on and then get up when the bell rings running into a boy named Caleb. 

"Fuck I'm sorry." He laughs 

"Don't worry Shay. I didn't feel anything." I nod my head as he grabs my arm and I wince

"Are you ok Shay?" I look at him

"Yes, why?"

He looks at me softly and lets go of my arm and I go back to walking to my next class.

At three the bell rings and I see my mom outside. I freeze and slowly get into her car as Caleb watches me. I bite my lip and force a smile. As we pull away all I hear is her shouts at me . I ignore her and when I get home she starts slapping my legs and my entire body making bruises upon bruises appear. Caleb pulls into his house and notices her slapping me one last time. I get out and run inside as I see him on his phone talking to what I believe are the cops. I mumble "fuck' I watch as my mom speeds out and away.  I lock the house door. I rush into the kitchen I grab a bunch of pills, vodka, a knife, blades and then my rope. I strip and  I rush upstairs to my room and lock the door. I start shoving a bunch of laxatives down my throat followed by a few swigs of vodka. I go into my bathroom and weigh myself I'm down to 77 lbs I smile thinking I just weighed myself wrong this morning. I look over as I start to hear sirens and I move to my window locking it and rolling down the blinds. I hearing the voices inside my head, "Shay Kill yourself, go starve you fat pig, you don't deserve to be here. Nobody likes you." I look at my mirror and see this ugly fat girl and I cry. "SHUT UP!" They start getting louder. I run to my bed and choke down all the pills and start taking swigs of the vodka. After a while I get a light headed feeling. I grab the knife and start cutting my legs and arms with it then when I can't cut anymore I grab a blade and start cutting smaller and smaller places. I look at the bruises and toss myself around to make them bigger. I smile at my work as I slide all my clothes back on. I finish off the vodka and my eyes start fluttering, I hear sirens at the front of my house and I slowly stumble trying to tie a noose. My vision gets blurry as I start to foam a little at my mouth I hear my door downstairs being open and I put the rope around my fan fastly and jump down. I Hang and my eyes snap shut.