late night insomniacs

when?

When is not a time or place. It's a state of mind in which someone is. So when are you?

Alexis went up to her room Harold and i..we fucked. Again. Why is it when him and I do it I feels like good I'm not thinking of my feelings toward him but after. He's like a sweet fuck boy. It's annoying.
I cleaned up again, Myself and the kitchen. As I went to my room and picked the the mess of months of not cleaning and just wallowing in deppression blarg whatever than I sat at my desk and drew. I hate being a night owl cause no stores are open and I just want soda. And of course the one thing we don't have is soda. The small things are what make me want to die. I dwell on the fact that it's already 11 o'clock at night and all the near stores are closed and I don't feel like driving. Or walking I just want to sleep but I don't I sit at my small desk swapping from writeing and drawing as I heard a small knock on my room door. I look and roll my eyes. "Come in Harold." He comes in and sits on my bed behind me "what do you want now." He smiles "just to talk." I roll my eyes again "about?" I say sketching. "about this morning." He says over the loud music blaring in my room. Alexis calls it my angry emo music. But I like it so she can go fuck herself. Alexis being downstairs. Watching sobby romantic movies for the thousandth time this week.

"What about this morning." I turn in my chair and face him tiredly. "Well why do you always say that. The whole act of hateing me but saying you like me. Or love me that happened like twice.." he looked at me leaning back on his hands tilting his head his pink dyed curly hair still slightly damp in his face messily in front of his goregous eyes. With his shirt big shirt slightly hanging off his shoulder marks all over him from me but a few not. His sweats low on his hips him sitting so you couldn't see his boxers peeking out. His pale muscalar self looking at me all hot. And with actual concern and curiousity in his eyes. Fuck I hate him.

"Because it's how I feel. What I don't always lie. I don't lie about these , these things. feeling and such and-and you know that Harold.." I glare at him slightly my legs down barely able to touch the floor. Figiting with my pencil with both hands. Looking at it in my hands. Harold gets up and chuckled. Moved over to me and knelt he put a hand under my chin so I looked up at him he smirked as I bit my lip "I am honestly sorry that you fell for me." He kissed me. He's kissed me about a million times but god this one felt different. It was soft. It was actually felt like it meant some thing. He pulled away only inches from my face as my chest heaves. God I hate talking it gives me anxiety.
Now let's see. Is he gonna turn this sexual or am I so I don't have a rageing anxiety attack.
My hands get Shakey and my heart goes faster. I'm not going to go threw this right now. " H-harold.." he looks at me with slightly furrowed eyebrows. "Yeah?"
"Get on the bed. Please."
He smirked and nodded and did as told. For once. I got up quickly pulling off my shirt as I pushed him down his head hitting the pillows. I moves my knees to his sides stradleing him. Gosh we just did this but he was on the top I guess. Well physically. But mentally I guess he's always top. Anyways.
I moved my hands up his shirt slipping it off. As I rolled my hips on his crotch. Being quiet easy to do so with me just being in my boxers and him in sweats. Harold letting out a low groan as he puts his hands harsh on my hips as I move harder and leaned down my hands on his cheeks as I kiss him hard and slow our hips and lips moving against each other. Every time I. Hear a noise out of Harold I smirk but then he feels me smirk at him and sinks his nails into my exposed thigh. Ugh bastard. I moved my tounge into his mouth as we swirling our tounges getting hot and bothered minds full of nothing but this. I pull away and got up slightly Harold looking at me "Jake.."
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry."
"Shut up and fuck me,you douch."
He chuckled and rolled his eyes as he helped pull down his sweats and breifs. As I threw his clothes to the side I moved up and kissed his jaw to his collar bone, chest, I got a noise out of him from licking his nipple. Almost punched me he just went a quick reaction and grabbed and pulled me up harsh by my hair I let out a Yelp and smirked "the Dom doesn't want to feel good..?" He growled and let go slowly "j-just continue.. please.." I smirk and moved down fluttering kisses down till I grabbed his cock and pumped it quick. His legs jerked his knees up as he slight is sitting up against the pillows and I lay between his legs and lick the tip slow seeing his back arch, god, that's hot.

He heaved as I moved my mouth down on him sucking and swirling my tounge slowly my hair cover my face so I couldn't look up at him but by hearing his little noises I knew i was obviously doing something right. He reached made me hair a messy Ponytail except my bangs, and tugged it. I moaned on him as I moved more and pressed my my hands on his inner thighs so he doesn't try to kill me with them. Moveing my thumbs in small circles. I hear him moaning I move more he pulls my hair harder both moaning.
I pull off to look at him and see him shakeing. his hands moved to gripping the bed sheets, back arched slightly chest heaveing up and down as he looks back at me half lidded "Jake..please. I'm close.." he pleads in a low voice.
He knows the only time I "take control" somewhat is when I feel like ethier relapsing or anxiety happens so he let's it and goes with it. He said he enjoys it you know switching every once in a while.
I wrap my hand around the bottom and move my hand slow up and down teaseing him. "Come for me, daddy..~" I jacked him off fast as he moaned loudly "fuck Jacob..!" And came on his stomach and my hand. I licked it slowly off my hand as he looked at me breathing hard half lidded eyes. I sat up "do you want me to ride you?" He nodded "please.." I smiled and rolled my eyes as I reached on to my desk and got lube and knelt on the bed over Harold on his hips and I put lube on two of my fingers. And put one in me. I Yelped slightly and bucked my hips grinding my dick on him as he slightly sat up and took my dick softly and started to move his hand I moaned and looked at him as I had my arm behind my back putting another finger in sisoring myself moaning softly my chest heaving up and down. "shit..I need yeah..~"
I took my fingers out quickly and moved as Harold put his hands on my hips I moved his cock to me and put it in me quickly shit bad idea I hitch my back as he looked up at me with slight concern."you alright Jake? We did it alot today if you don't want to-" I threw my hand over his mouth as I felt tears prick my eyes " s-shut up. I'll be fine. Just sore.." I huffed as I moved slightly and winced. "god fucking.." I gasped. He took my hand off his mouth and intertwined his fingers with mine I froze up and looked at him "don't you fucking dare."
He looked at me and rasied a eyebrow. "I just wanna make sure oyu okay. God I'm not that big of a dick."
I moved my hand out of his "don't hold my hand like that." I mumbled as I looked down at him my eyes shifting studying the face I've seen a thousand times before.
When am I gonna stop hurting myself this way?