late night insomniacs

how?

I don't get it. How is it that you can hate yourself so much but also love someone you forget how to hate At all. The world brighter but night still dark. Dreary. Even tho your with me..You don't know. How?

"Jacob!" I jolted up in my bed as I heard her calling me from downstairs. I run down stairs my hair a mess just in sweats and socks. I go to the kitchen and pant "w-what time is it?!" She glared at me "it's noon." He huffed then let my knees go out as I sit on the floor. "Ugh..." She looks down at me. "When was your date with him"
"10. And now I'm single." I said and got up "I'm gonna see if Harold's up..."I say and start going upstairs.  She nods. "don't be too loud he went out last night but didn't bring anyone home. So you know how he's gonna be if you wake him." I wave her off "kinda need that..." She scoffs "gross." As she goes to the living room I go to Harold's room and sigh crawling into bed with him, he just in his boxer briefs laying on his back. I snuggle up to him as I lay in silence, thinking. And hoping I closed my room door when I ran down the stairs just now.

I tap on his pale tone chest with my tan fingers. Like piano keys in the middle as he blinks awake and smirks at me. "Hey..." He stretches and wraps an arm around me "didn't you have a date this morning with a douchebag?" I looked down "I woke up late. Now I'm single joy.." my hand still on his chest I make small slow circles looking down. He frowns sarcastically "aw what can I do to make you feel better doll?~" he took his other hand taking me gentally by the chin rasieing my head to look at him. I blush "is that even a question anymore.."

It all happened in a flash but I know it was hours slow and hard, Skin on skin, loving yet full of anger and hate. I don't know why I keep going back Everytime. It's like drinking, smoking or cutting. It just keeps happening. It's not on purpose just when you are on your straw or the edge of the cliff it's hard to not just fall. I feels close to death but not there.

After hours full of moaning,muffled screams of pain and pleasure, scratching,back arching,organism ridding,and kissing with tounges. we lie there panting on our backs covered from jaw to thighs in marks. "f-fuck.." I looked at him. He looks at me and smirks. I gnarl my teeth at him he chuckles "you still playing that hating me role?" I frown "not a role I do hate you." He moves hovering over me in-between my legs. His hands heavy on my hips. He being much bigger than me and stronger. As he leans an inch from me "if you hate be why do you keep coming to my room in the morning or night when you get dumped looking for comfort with sex. Screaming moaning my name like you need it to survive, need it to love. Shit why don't we just get married already." He says with a chuckles and starts to move his hips against mine as I make a small noise putting my hands on his shoulders that I already clawed, bruised,and bit.i look up at him half lidded eyes full of lust "...You can fuck, make out, scream, and moan without feelings...But I can't and that's why I hate you..." He moves my head up "so you like me... But it's not given back that's why? Hah.." he says low his hot breath on my neck as I jerked slightly being sensitive from all of that. He kissed my collar bone. Trailing up sucking, biteing. "Exactly...Ah i-mhp...I don't know how to d-deal with feeling I try to forget b-ah f-fuck...But I can't...You're stuck in my head..."
He smirks and kissed up feathering kisses and licks on my jaw line. "Hmmm.... Why is that..?" I moaned then griped my hands on his shoulders "because..I-i'm weak...-Ah..And I can't get my head on straight...Mph... Especially when it's s-ah! T-tempting...To just go and do it.." I start to move my hips with his. As he hums a bit. "I see.." he continues as I sink my nails into his shoulders.

That was round like 6. I suck at this getting over him. I need to stop but I know I'm not going to. This sucks..

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HEYO IM THE AUTHOR SO HI IM THINKINH OF THIS SHIT ON THE FLYYY SOOO If it sucks I know.