Starry Eyes ~ Nikki Sixx

Finding My Way

"Oh, come on! Why not?" I asked as he stood up. "Are we strangers or something? I thought we were dating."

"We are but I just... I can't."

"Kelly, why? What's going on?"

"It's just wrong, that's all."

"Why?"

"It," he paused, rolling his eyes back as he thought, "It just is, okay?"

"Kelly, you are my boyfriend. I am you girlfriend. We've been together for a while now. How is it wrong?"

"Because you're seventeen and I'm almost twenty."

"That's not even bad!"

"It's not right!"

"Are you serious? What kind of a guy turns down sex?" I muttered, crossing my arms over my bare chest.

"One who knows that it isn't right to take advantage of a kid," he snapped, handing me my bra and my shirt.

For some reason, the word 'kid' sliced through me like a hot knife through butter, but I didn't let it show.

"How the hell is it taking advantage of me when I am the one trying?"

He rubbed his forehead, pushing his messy black hair out of his face, a common trait of his frustration.

"I just can't, Sadie. I don't know why, it's just... different."

"So, if a sixteen year old walked up to you, you would turn her down."

"Probably."

"Just 'probably,' not a hard yes?"

"Sadie, you're different! You're not like other girls; you're so much more. Maybe more than I can handle."

"W-what does that mean?" I asked, my eyes locking onto him as he began to pace.

"This isn't fair to you."

"You're right, it's not; I wanted to give you all of me, and you don't seem to give a shit," I quipped, putting my clothes back on.

"It's not that- you-"

"I'm just different, I know. I get it. I don't know how I'm different, but that's fine. You've been acting weird lately, anyway. How long have you been thinking about this?"

"Thinking about what?"

"You know exactly what. How I'm 'too much for you to handle,'" I said, angrily air quoting myself.

"Sadie, it's not like that," he said, putting his hands up in defense. "Don't make it something that it's not."

"Really? If that's what it's not, then what is it?!"

He began to fidget with his hands as he thought of what to say.

"Yeah, go ahead, Mister Morals, take your time."

"Don't start," he growled, his brown eyes dilating. "I don't want this to be a fight."

"Then tell me what's wrong, tell me what's going on! Talk to me," I implored. "What is on your mind?"

He once again rubbed his forehead. "I... I think we need to call it."

I stood up a little straighter, slowly, as if someone was pulling a string to hold me up.

"You wanna end us?"

"I-I don't know. I think maybe we just need a night to breathe. I think we've been together too much lately, y'know?"