Depressing Poetry From A Depressing Boy.

dear mom,

i hope you know that i hate you.

i hope you know that i stay up until the am crying because you're not here.

i hope you know that i have so much shit on my shoulders but no one to vent to.

i hope you know that everyone is starting to feel bad for me because of you.

i hope you know that i feel unwanted, unloved.

where were you?

where were you when i was joining all these different clubs at school, trying to keep my mind off of you?

where were you when my dad wasn't there?

where were you when i brought home my report card? 

where were you when i scored that winning goal?

where were you when i needed to cry?

i wanted to cry.

i really did. but you know what i did instead?

 i stayed strong.

i stayed strong because i didn't want the attention i knew everyone would give me.

i hear stories from friends with their perfect families and perfect mothers.

are those bad things really that important to you?

drinking and doing whatever the fuck it is you do.

do you even think about me?

do i ever cross your mind?

a new man coming in the door every time i see you.

its never you and me.

you have all the time in the world to be a mother to some other kid but not us?

i watch my little sister live her life without her mother.

and i can't help her.

i can't do a lot of things.

i don't want to be anything like you.

the only thing that's keeping me going is knowing i'm going to grow older and be way better than you.

one day.

one day you'll see the pain i go through.

one day you'll see all the lies i face.

you come home and my dumb ass thinks you're going to stay.

i be so nice to you and tell you about everything and how my day was.

to only wake up the next morning to find you gone.

i hope you know that i love you.

but where the fuck are you to love me?