11/11 Reflection || k.nj [ON HOLD]

•04

•Making of first album as single artist•

I nod my head to the beats of the song. "I want kind of a chick-ah-ca-ta-pa beat." I say to myself as I sit in my quiet office, in my quiet dorm, in this quiet building. I then smack my keyboard causing the beat to pause. I let out a breath and set my elbows on my desk and I hold my face with my hands.

"Don't stress out Namjoon." I tell myself. My fingers grip my hair. "Why am I so stupid? Why can't I think of anything?" I shut my eyes tight. My phone then starts to ring, the hotline? Hahaha, I'm dumb, they deleted my number. Without looking at the number I answer the call.

"Namjoon, we have several interviews today. Please look nice." My manager says. "Yes, sir." I answer. "We'll be there in about five minutes to pick you up." And he hangs up the call. I get up, not caring about the song anymore, maybe this is great for me. I'll be able to keep my mind off the song for now.

I walk out of my office and head over to my room and put on something nice, not caring about my hair or face because of the stylists that usually takes care of that. I make sure to have all my belongings and head out of the door.

**

"Make sure not to get too into depth with what happened with the group." My manager says. I nod as the hair stylists does my hair. It's crazy how he'd expect me to say things about the group, I try my best not to roll my eyes. "We're out in two!" Producers yell, the hair stylist does last minute touches and she smiles giving me the sign that I can stand up.

I clasp her hands in mine and I bow to her. I turn and follow the producers to the position where I'll walk out. "You can walk out now." The producer says and I walk out to the set and sit down. "Namjoon, long time no see." Kevin Woo says. I nod, "Yes." Is all I can say. "Five, four, three, two-" and it's the cue to start.

"Hey guys! Welcome to the After School Club, I'm Kevin Woo and this is the beautiful Park Jimin." He opens up the show. "Ah, thank you, thank you." Jimin bows her head a couple times. "We welcome our idol of the week, Kim Namjoon." They both clap and the camera is directed to me. "It's a pleasure to be here." I nod. "So, it's actually our first time having a single artist in this show, but we were really interested in knowing how you feel in this moment." Kevin says.

Well, right into it.. huh?

"Yes, how are you feeling with the whole Disbanding?" Jimin asks. "Right at this moment, I'm recovering." I nod. "And how's that going?" He asks. I tilt my head, "It's still really tough, to a point where I sometimes just miss the atmosphere." I explain. "Of all the members being there and the family atmosphere." Kevin adds.

I nod. "Yes, definitely."

-

And through out the week, this is how it was for me, nothing but interview after interview. Continuous talks about this. I was asked to be on radio talk shows, to be on toothpaste commercials for some weird reason. It all doesn't make much sense.

Just like how everything that has to do with the Disbanding doesn't make sense. And the more I tried to analyze this, it makes me more and more confused. Shouldn't I be the only one who actually understands? Because I don't.

**

I sit in my office once again, fiddling with the beat. "It's like we don't know each other anymore, this reality is fucking me up. This ain't no dream, this ain't no brush it off the shoulder shit. Lyrics just some how flow through me, I instantly begin to write them down.

-
"Don't you ever just wake up and feel like nothing's right?

It's like we don't know each other anymore, this reality is fucking me up. This ain't no dream, this ain't no brush it off the shoulder shit.