11/11 Reflection || k.nj [ON HOLD]

•08

I wake up the next morning and she's not in the bed, maybe up making breakfast? I get up and head to the bathroom, which I don't know where it is. So, I end up wandering around the small apartment with a full bladder. I walk down a small, that's a right place for a bathroom.. right?

I walk right into the room and it's clearly not the bathroom, I'm about to leave when something catches my attention. My face, on her wall. I walk over to the wall to see everything better. My eyes are still a little sleepy. When I get closer, it's clear that this is some sort of colleague. I rub my eyes in disbelief, posters and posters of me all pinned to the wall. I don't want to look at it anymore, I don't want to believe it. I turn my head and see that there is a map of the city, different colored pins stuck out of it and strings connected them together. A red circle is around the location, I get closer and look at the center of the red circle.

I feel my heart pounding harder than ever and I'm unsure if I'm seeing all this correctly, in the middle of the red circle is a single red dot that is the exact location of my apartment. I begin to feel a little light headed and stand up straight. This isn't happening, I stare at all the things on the wall. Camera taken photos of me walking around near my apartment, leaving my apartment, getting coffee.

It reminded me of those murder investigators on television, with maps where they use red string and pins to locate the person they're trying to find. My heart is pounding in my chest. This girl has been tracking me down. And by the looks of it, she's a fan. That's more obvious than ever. My fingers grip my hair and I look around the room frantically. A lap top catches my attention, it's on. She was possibly in here not to long ago. I move the mouse, examining what is on the screen. It's a blog, shit, I remember what she had told me the day we met. She specifically told me that she wrote blogs.

The blogs title was;
A night to remember, sent to the stars

I shake my head, and somehow a cup from on top of the desk, falls. I didn't even touch it, but okay. King of destruction at its best. "Namjoon?" I hear her voice. I turn around and she's standing in the door way, she looks shocked. I'm not even shocked anymore, I just have a lot of questions that have obvious answers. "How are you going to explain this?" I ask her. I'm infuriated, to think that this girl was different, and she isn't. She's just like every other girl out there. Either a psychotic fan or a girl who just wants publicity.

And it seems to me she's both, and the worst part, I've slept with her.

I should have known that knowing her for a week wasn't a good idea to just go off and have sex with her. But my hormones were just at war with me. "I can, I promise." She says, running her fingers through her hair. She's still in the clothes she wore last night to bed, but I can't stand to look at her body, I don't want to remember what her body looks like.

She takes a step forward. "Don't." I say sternly. She pauses. "Let me just read your blog and maybe I'll get my answer.", "No." She almost starts crying. "This is invasion of my privacy, you're talking about me on the internet." I say. "Do you understand how that can ruin my career?" I ask her, but she doesn't answer. She knows very well.

I turn to the computer.

—
A night to remember, sent to the stars.
By: Mika Tran

Last night I made love to a star, more like, we made love to each other. It was with the pop star I've been talking about in my last blogs. I never knew that he was such a rough and kinky lover, he was so demanding, yet so giving and pleasurable. It's crazy how it went from loving him from my phone screen, to loving him in real life. Being able to touch his skin and make him feel like he's can go on forever.

I could never feel such a deeper love for anyone else, than I do for him right now. All of this is so breath taking and new to me, that I hope its lasts for a while longer. To me, it seems that his songs always spoke directly to me. And that ever since the incident happened with his company, I've wanted to do everything he did for me. For me to give him the feelings he gave me, but much more intense.