I came home to my dorm after a day of education. Yes, it was as boring as it sounds. I have been avoiding Lafayette as much as I can, which mainly consists of one of us staying at John and Alex's room. I couldn't this time, I couldn't avoid him. John wanted to talk things out with Alexander, which I can respect. None of us could explain Alex's sudden outburst- not even John and I thought he was the reason that he was upset. John told me what happened when he was drunk, however, it didn't match up. I felt like it was something deeper than that, Eliza agreed.
I cautiously put a hand up to knock, then I realised something. This was my dorm, why in the name of Lin was I about to knock? I opened the door slowly, to reveal our cream- coloured room. I stepped in unhurriedly, trying to wait it out for as long as I could.I was scared of facing him. I believed that he hated me, which was quite understandable.
But this was much different.
I was in love with him.
I've known him since Middle School. It hurt a lot to have a crush. Is that why it's called a crush because they crush your emotions with one swipe of rejection? It feels like someone is standing on your chest as you gasp for air, painfully slow. He's crushing me just at the thought of him, and that hurts. It hurts a lot. I took in a sharp breath, steadying myself. I finally brought myself to look up. I immediately regretted it.
There stood the one person I desperately wanted to look at for the rest of my life and yet the person I didn't want to see. He analysed me, studying my features. I stood there staring at him with a pained expression. He just watched back, his eyes cold and glassy like an emotionless doll. I harshly released a twinging sigh of poignancy. Lafayette suddenly looked down, his face breaking into a sight of anguish. His small hands began to tightly cave in on themselves; his sorrow and misery clearly expressed in his actions.
He let out a hoarse whisper, "What did I do, Hercules?" Lafayette looked despondent and out of place, "How did I hurt you?"
I suddenly felt my anger burning up in me again, "You know what you did, you can't play that game with me!" I let my emotions pour out of me, maybe a bit too loud.
"If I really did know what I did, Herc, I wouldn't be this upset now!" Lafayette yelled back with his thick accent showing itself, before his eyes softened with patience but still with the presence of tears threatening to spill, "Tell me what I did s-so I can fix it..."
"You can't fix it!" I suddenly screamed back at him, seeing him flinch slightly, "Jesus Christ Laf, you can't fix it becau-"
I suddenly stopped, cutting off my own words, whilst bringing my hands to my face in discomfort. I wasn't really going to say that, was I?
"Because what?" he retorted back, his voice accusingly annoyed with me. He seemed so done with this, I didn't blame him really. This was all a bit dramatic, even if it was us.
"Because I'm in love with you!"
Lafayette's eyes grew wide for a moment, a hint of happiness gleaming in his eyes. This only lasted for a second as he returned to a stone-cold stare, "So you treat me like shit?" he spat disbelievingly back at me, resulting in me being extremely shocked for a second. Lafayette was never angry, he always told me to 'be more chill' or to 'calm the fuck down'.
"You hate me anyway, so why do you care?" I spat furiously, taking a threatening step in his direction. He didn't appear to feel threatened by this in any shape or form.
Lafayette stood his ground, his gaze softening and yet still mainly confused, "What do you mean, Hercules, I could never hate you?" his eyebrows knotted together with thought, as he studied the mess I was in. I was practically throwing a tantrum, something I'd expect Alex to do if I'm truly honest.
"Don't lie to me. I saw you whispering to your friend and giving me looks!" when I said that aloud, I immediately realised how childish I sounded. We weren't on a child's playground, Jesus.
Lafayette purposely raised an eyebrow at this, "Seriously?" he let out a small smirk, "Oh Hercules, I was just telling Thee about my gigantic crush on you. But if you obviously don't care..." he teased playfully, I ignored the last bit purposely, trying to focus on the part where he said he liked me; understand that he apparently returned my feelings.
"What?"
He walked closer towards me, pulling me into a tight grip with his arms snaking around me affectionately, "You're such a kid sometimes Herc, God, I'm so in love with you, doofus," I slowly wrapped my hands around him cautiously. I felt so embarrassed, feeling my cheeks heat up at just the thought. I realised that it was idiotic for me to act the way I did, it was just so immature of me.
"I'm sorry," I muttered quietly, Lafayette looked up at me, giving a small smile- which was incredibly adorable by the way. He balanced on his tiptoes carefully, brushing his lips softly on my cheek. This absolutely made me smile without me even noticing. Lafayette was just that type of person that could do something like that, he could make anyone smile and feel incredibly happy. He's like a walking sunshine, a ray of hope shining through everybody's lives. I'm pretty sure that's the sun from the Teletubbies too, but I prefer Lafayette by far. Teletubbies is some creepy shit.
"This would've never had happened if you had gotten all salty on me, you have nothing to be sorry for!" he announced, me realising he was right- as always of course. I would never have accidentally revealed my feelings if I wasn't mad at him for a completely stupid reason. Maybe that was the way the universe worked.
I gave a shy smile, pulling away.
Maybe having a crush isn't that bad at all.
