Shoot Me Down

Food / Sleeping

The Food

I guess I never really noticed it at first.  I was fine one day, and then slowly became more... upset...

I think it all started about when I was 6 or 7.

I was a skinny, yet strong little kid. I was actually underweight, which felt great. I always felt like I was healthy and funny.

But then it all changed.

Since I was so skinny, my parents let me eat whatever I wanted, and I usually didnt go outside to play. I would rather read books, write books, or draw. But because of both of these things, about a year later, I gained a ton of weight.

And by a ton, I mean a ton.

I became really overweight for my age, and tahts when it all went wrong. In fact, kids started making fun of me, but I was too young to get it.

I just didnt understand.

My body may have changed, but my personality didnt, so why was everyone so mean?

Now Im eleven years old, and I weigh 134 pounds. Im really overweight, especially compared to my other friends.

I was getting picked on more. But I couldnt stop eating crappy food, or go out and exercise.

Most of me knew I could easily get back into shape, but there was this voice in my head. She told me not to. She was telling me that this would give me happiness. I didnt need to worry. I just needed to keep going, and Id be happy.

So I didnt stop, which is why I weigh over 130 pounds.

Its honestly just... embarrassing. People often asked me how much I weighed to tease me, and I never answered.

For checkups at the doctors I always wanted, in fact, I still want to, go hide everytime they check my weight.

The Sleep

Whats worse is the insomnia.

At first it was normal. I would just wake up every once in a while during the night, and fall back to sleep.

But as I got older, I started waking up in the middle of the night atleast 3-5 times and couldnt fall asleep till either eleven at night or two in the morning.

I couldnt sleep, at all. I was trying so hard to go to sleep, but I couldnt.

About a year ago, when I was 10, I started running on atleast 4 hours of sleep every day, especially during school days.

I realized it was getting worse and worse, but I couldnt stop it.

I was so tired, all the time.

I was falling into depression, more and more, and I couldnt stop it.