Chapter 22

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We never realize how frozen we are until someone starts to melt our ice- Bridgett Devoue

Evelyn's POV.

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me freezing me to the core. Numbingly, I found my feet leading me to the en-suite as I angrily stripped my clothes away. My eyes stung as I stepped under the warm spray, the low sinking feeling deep in my chest physically hurting like an unbearable torture. I wanted to badly rid of it. As the hot water pelted onto my raw skin, I finally relented allowing the tears to freely flow, washed away with the water as uncontrollable sobs wracked my body. Feeling my legs finally give out, I stumbled down to the cool wet tiles shaking in distress as my vulnerability attacked me. I pressed my head against the tiled wall and I cried for the feelings I had buried years ago. Everything came back in a flash. The memories so vivid everything that went wrong made me sob harder. The façade of a calm, cool exterior, the swift comeback, the fierce attitude. I cried for the 15 year old teenage girl who now wore her mental scars well, hidden deeply on the inside. It was easier to pretend the trauma of the past never happened. I cried for her now, because back then the tears refused to come. And then I cried for the grown woman. The bitter pain laced my tongue as the sheer force of overwhelming agony consumed me. Suffocated, I urged myself to take deep intakes of breaths as I placed my head between my knees. The oncoming of my first anxiety attack in years only made me cry harder as black dots filled my vision. Holding on tightly to the last shred of memory, of Lucas' face next to mine encouraged me to take that lungful of air as inconsolable sobs continued to wreck through me. I hated the burning raw pain that ate away at me. I hated the choking tears that fought to escape my clogged up throat. I hated him.

But more so, I hated myself for not being able to fully hate him.

It was then I realized that I never did.

On shaky legs, I rose as hot tears continued to scald my cheeks; I quickly washed myself giving my hair a quick shampoo before I stepped out the shower physically and emotionally exhausted. As though the energy had drained out of me, I deftly towel dried myself, trudging along to my bedroom not having it within me to put on a fresh pair of clothes. As my weak body tumbled onto the bed, I pulled the warmth of the comforter around my naked body as my tired eyes immediately shut instantly falling asleep. It was as though my body and my soul had finally given up.

I was defeated.

The following morning I awoke with a pounding in my head as my cellphone pinged continuously next to me.

Hotshot: Brandon Charlotte Elizabeth Jade and you

Jade: What happened last night?

Charlotte: It can't be explained.

Jade: I think the name for this chat is apt.

Charlotte: Lucas is very intense!

Jade: He's just incredibly jealous.

Elizabeth: News alert! He needed not to be. Mate you're Italian sex on legs.

Charlotte: You know @Elizabeth if you weren't so loud we would have heard the conversation better.

Elizabeth: I said I am sorry about a thousand times already...

Brandon: Do I even want to know?

Jade: Oh pish posh @Brandon Lucas looks even more edible since the last time I saw him.

Charlotte: And to think my mum had insisted that I come over to watch Strictly finale.

Brandon: If I'm ever missing or dead please know that Lucas killed me.

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