glitch || l.y.h ✔

06 | the fall

The camera flashed and he blinked, spots dancing every which way in his eyes. 

The cameraman gave a thumbs up and everyone in the orchestra cheered. The concert was over, it was a huge success, and he had only played one wrong note. The cello leaned contentedly between the two legs of his dress pants, the woodwork gleaming under the dim lights of the hall. The audience had dispersed, leaving the organizing committee behind to pick up the mess. He stood up but couldn't move, as other people were crowded in front of the cameraman, checking the photos, and blocking his way out.

He spied her moving a little ways away. Suddenly he remembered that she was going home early tonight, and that her parents were probably already waiting to pick her up. Panicking slightly, he placed the cello where he sat and began to squeeze his way out, tapping shoulders as he went.

Excuse me, coming through. Oh, I'm so sorry! Hi, pardon . . . and did you hear bar 36, we played it so well! - Oh, sorry, lyh, here you go! Excuse me! Sorry! Coming through! Don't push, please.

He lifted his head up and almost stopped breathing when he saw she wasn't around. Then he spied her standing outside the hall's great glass doors, and guessed that she was waiting for her parents, who could come any minute. Feeling even more panicked he began pushing people gingerly to the side as he squeezed and squeezed through the mass of warm bodies.

Excuse me . . . oh sorry! Say lyh, have you seen the photos the cameraman took of us? They're all gorgeous shots! He smiled wanly and said he was sure it was, but now he just really had to - 

Here! Take a look!

He sighed. He really didn't want to, but perhaps if he just skimmed through them it would be a lot faster than arguing it out. Taking hold of the photographs he flicked through them one by one. She stood out easily with her black wavy hair and simple dress, and it wasn't long before he realized he was standing out too. His fingers flicked slower, and the photographs stayed longer for inspection before being placed out of sight. The last photograph laid in the palm of his hand the longest. His eyes couldn't seem to tear themselves off of it.

Wow, you must really like this photo, huh? That's the one we took just now. The group photo.

She was beyond gorgeous in it. Uppermost row, third from the left, with that resplendent smile that lit up the hall better than any amount of fluorescent lights ever could. And he - he was - 

Glitching.

In every photo.

Glitching.

A crooked finger. Glitch.

A raised cheekbone muscle. Glitch.

A twitched corner of the lip. Glitch.

And in the last photo, where everyone was smiling and looking at the camera, he was the only one frowning, because of course at the last moment his smile had - 

Glitched.

He returned the photos to the organizing committee and didn't move.

Glitch.

He was a glitch.

So was his father.

And his father's father.

And his grandfather and father and father before - 

He looked up and saw her still standing beyond the glass doors.

Genetic glitch. Means it's hereditary, isn't it?

Would he be willing to put her through that?

Would he be willing to put his son through that?

Could he love knowing that because of him that love would never be complete, and that the product of their love was a marriage that was imperfect, and family that glitched?

Could he be content knowing that he had brought forth a child in this world that would have to go through life knowing he was imperfect, incomplete, a crude, rude glitch?

Could he do that?

Beyond the glass door, headlights roamed and a car pulled up.

He could still go to her now, if he wanted to. There was still some time as they put her bags into the car.

Or even now, when her friends went out to say goodbyes.

Or even now, as she was getting into the car.

Or even now, as she waved through the window.

Or even tomorrow, and the day after, and after and after and after - 

His feet stayed rooted and he watched the car turned around the bend until darkness reclaimed the outside night one more time. 

He was a glitch, and glitches had no right to ask for more.