All We Know Is Falling - A Tayley Fanfiction

Chapter 4: Misery Business

The girl in question is tall, and incredibly pretty. Dark, elegant eyeliner circles her eyes, and her hazel hair flows down her shoulder in feminine yet rebellious waves. I note the ripped, sleeveless Green Day tee that shows off her voluptuous curves, and the tiny shorts that cover barely an inch of her upper thighs, quite in contrast to my baggy hoodie and sweatpants. She's giggling, something that I haven't done in a very long time. She's the perfect woman for a punk rock singer with a life to live.

Involuntarily, I gasp, my body curled back into the seat of the car. I can feel myself tensing, every muscle attempting to pull back from this horrible sight. Hot tears well up in my eyes, blurring my view of the happy couple, not that I really wanted to see them anyway. My breathing becomes ragged and uneven, caught in my chest as I stare in horror.

I love Chad. I do, otherwise I wouldn't have married him. The feeling that something wasn't right was nothing at all - I thought for so long that we were perfect for each other. Memories flash through my mind - playing shows together, singing 'Vicious Love' and knowing behind it all that our love was anything but vicious. We...have a home together, a dog. It isn't supposed to be like this.

Every muscle in my body aching, my face scrunched up unattractively, I climb out of the car. They haven't noticed me yet - they are too absorbed in each other - but if I don't get away, they will, even with my new hair. My limbs are shaking but I make it out and onto the sidewalk, and start walking away instantly. I don't even lock my car, I just need to get as far from them as possible.

Once I've turned the corner I start to run. I'm looking down at my feet, avoiding the eyes of anyone that walks past, but yet again my feet trace a familiar path, the same as before. Without a doubt I have to get to the once place that I can find solace, and I realise eventually that this is the place that I would come to from anywhere. One corner leads to another and after some time I'm staring at the same house that I saw just 15 minutes ago.

My back hits the wall that I was curled against before, but this time inertia drags me away from it and towards the house. I cross the road and soon I'm directly in front of the place that I want to be. The same dented mailbox, beautiful swing seat and plants that the owner somehow manages to keep under control are there. I'm frozen, overwhelmed by the happiest memories that I have from anywhere.

One foot in front of the other, I make it to the front door. A faint glow comes from a room further inside the house, but there are no lights on that I can directly see. The doorbell is higher than my face, a fact that has been rubbed in many times, and I can't bring myself to ring it. I've made it here, but somehow I still don't want to face up to the resident.

Retracing my steps, I walk backwards until I'm standing in the middle of the front yard. I remember laughing, playing music out here on hot summer days, and the tears that dried on the way here slowly dribble down my face again. I'm exhausted, not just from the run but from the horrible nature of the entire day. The swing seat looks so inviting, and without a second thought I curl up there, my legs collapsing as I sink into it.

My thoughts naturally lead me to remember my day. Of course, today was the day that it was revealed to me that my husband, who I have been in a relationship with for 10 years, has been cheating on me. I don't know for how long, or who she is, but it seems overwhelmingly clear that I have failed him. He married a girl that was wild and passionate, but all of that has washed away and he's been left with a broken shell of a girl. No one wants that. I am nothing and he needs someone to echo his punk rock life. I am a failure.

After a while, I realise that someone is playing the guitar inside the house. Not just anyone, of course, my favourite guitarist in the whole world. The melody is slow and melancholy, and I recognise it exactly. In a small, croaky, tired voice, I begin to sing:

I am outside, and I've been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes, I've seen worlds that don't belong
My mouth is dry, with words I cannot verbalise
Tell me why we live like this

Keep me safe inside your arms like towers
Tower over me, yeah

'Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore our innocence?
And all the promise we adored
Give us life again
'Cause we just want to be whole

Lock the doors, 'cause I'd like to capture this voice
It came to me tonight, so everyone will have a choice
And under red lights, I'll show myself it wasn't forced
We're at war, we live like this

Keep me safe inside your arms like towers
Tower over me, yeah

'Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore our innocence?
And all the promise we adored
Give us life again
'Cause we just want to be whole

Tower over me
Tower over me
And I'll take the truth at any cost

'Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore our innocence?
And all the promise we adored
Give us life again
'Cause we just want to be whole

My heart is at once lifted and dragged down by the beautiful lyrics that remind me of a better time. My eyes begin to close and, curled up tightly, I fall asleep.