All We Know Is Falling - A Tayley Fanfiction

Chapter 13: Hard Times

I barely notice the weeks passing by, days filled with laughter and jokes as we record song after song after song. Before, I had practically no inspiration when it came to songwriting, but now I'm less afraid to speak out about my depression and anxiety, and songs flow out of me almost endlessly. It helps too that Taylor is an incredible songwriter and has some amazing ideas for new music. They diverge a little from what we used to write, but I love their crazy 80s disco feel. Of course, my inspiration has also started to stem from a new point - the lyrics for one of my favourites, 'Pool', were written on a lazy day with T and I curled up on one of his sofas, laughing, talking and falling utterly, completely in love.

One other thing that has helped me to heal is the return of one of my best friends - Zac Farro. I struggled so much when he left the band, and the wound was still healing when we phoned him and asked him to play drums on our new album. He was so much more willing than I had expected him to be, and before I knew it we were closer friends than we had ever been before. It turned out that him leaving the band was more Josh's decision than his, and while he was enjoying performing with HalfNoise, his new project, he missed the old life that he had years ago. We welcomed him back with open arms.

Suddenly, it's the day before the album release and the 3 of us are lounging around in Taylor's living room. I'm lying with my long white-blonde hair tied up in a messy bun, my head resting against T's legs. The boys are talking about the future, and even though I have begun to daydream, I pick out some of the words that pass between them.

"...press conferences, of course, our return will be a big thing..."

"...we'll have photos and interviews for magazines..."

"...what do you think about headlining some festivals this summer? We need to get back in the public eye..."

All of a sudden, I can't cope with it anymore. The idea of having to go out in public, perform for millions and have my photo in a million different critical magazines at once terrifies me. Before I can stop myself, I'm standing up and running out of the room without a word. A single tear begins to fall down my face.

I'm not thinking about where I'm going, but inertia pushes me towards the bedroom. Whenever I would fight with Chad, I would always take refuge in our bedroom with the door locked, and now that I'm scared and confused again, I find myself in Taylor's and, recently, my room. Tears flowing freely now, I climb under the covers and pull my legs against myself.

I stay like that for 15 minutes or so, before I hear someone quietly enter the room - I must have forgotten to lock the door. The unknown person tiptoes across the room before tentatively climbing onto the bed, lifting the covers from over my head. Slowly, I look up, to see that the mystery man is, as I should have expected, Taylor. Without saying anything, he puts his arms around me and pulls me close to him. As a reflex, I nestle my head into his shoulder.

"What's wrong, Hayles?" he whispers.

"I...I...the thought of...of doing those things again...it terrifies me..." I sniffle.

"Hayley, it's ok. I'll look after you through everything, I promise. I'll protect you from anyone who doesn't realise how incredible you really are. And we don't have to do any of those things if you don't want to, I'll tell them that we don't want to talk to people or whatever. It's gonna be ok, H."

I smile weakly into him, and we stay like that for a while until he breaks the silence.

"Hey Hayley?" he says awkwardly.

"Yeah?" I whisper back, my throat a little hoarse from crying.

"I love you, Hayley."

"I love you too, Taylor."

Gently, he lifts my chin until I'm looking up into his eyes, and, waiting a second to silently ask my permission, kisses me softly. I pull him closer, surprised by my sudden eagerness, and we melt into each other, each kiss leaving us needing to be closer and closer together. We fall back in a tangled mess, him holding me tight.

The screen fades to black.