Cameron
God I feel so bad for what I said to Shawn, well and the fact that I hit him square in the ae too, but not near as hard as he hit me so I guess we're even on that page. I can't believe how strong he's gotten. It's actually kinda scary, especially when he's using it against you. I really hope that we can talk this through, every couple goes through this right. I mean if he was actually wanting to break up he wouldn't have said that he loves me after all that would he? I'm so confused I feel like so much is going on right now that and I'm tempted to just open this bottle again but I know that if shawn is coming over later I can't drink or else hes going to just get his stuff and leave before we can talk. I've got to stay strong, I've got to look past the bottle in order to save our relationship, and I'm willing to if it means that he won't leave me. I really can't leave me I think if he leaves I might actually kill myself. Holy shit did that thought just go through my mind? What the actual fuck I've never had those thoughts before is this how much Shawn actually means to me? Am I so weak and so invested in us that I would kill myself if he wasn't here? I mean before he had even told me that he wanted to break up my first thought was to drink away the pain so what does that mean? Am I not strong enough to do this on my own, is that it? Or is it something deeper? I don't really know the answer to that all I know is that I love him and I can't lose him, I will do whatever it takes to ensure that he doesn't leave me. I decide that I should probably get some sleep before Shawn comes over, I have a feeling that it's going to be a long night.
I lay down on my couch and the last thing to go through my mind before I fall asleep is just how deep does this go?
