I'm weak,thoughts are killing me

I Did It 🙁

After waking up I like to wake up and listen to music.But then eventually I have to get ready for school but first I'm drink a cold glass of bleach.After a while,I'm done getting ready for school.I had arrived at school.While I'm walking up to the building to enter school I take a deep breath and tell myself I can do this.If you don't know I get anxiety being alone but I'm not fucking with nobody they all fake lol .But lucky my friend genesis was their so now i have someone to talk to.But as where walking to get to class.I notice my class is coming and say to my fuck because I hate my first period.Anyways after a couple hours,I'm in 5th period math fuck I hate math.While I was in class he had came in the classroom I was shock because he never comes in the day usually at night.I already knew what was gonna happen.He told me to ask to go to the bathroom.And whisper I pack you your buddy(my balde). The teacher let me go he told me to check my backpack first I opened the little pocket I saw it and said I said to myself how it go their anyways I proceeded to put in my back pocket secretly.While I was walking to the bathroom.He proceeded to tell me that today was the day where I do it again.
I walk to the bathroom and proceeded to get the blade(my buddy) and I told him I don't want to do.He look at and said isn't not like anyone cares.He then made me remember all of my bad memories I had with my family,fake friends,etc.I look at him and I proceed to get the blade and slit it through my wrist.He gave me a little tap the shoulder and smile and said good job.I had to get paper toilet and clean the blood that was dripping from my wrist .The good thing I had brought my jacket.I recalled I no emotions nothing I wasn't happy,sad,or disappointed in myself.I didn't told no one day.I was scared they judge.I wanna just wanted break down and cry but I couldn't.I got home and proceed to walk to my room and do my homework.Then i had to take a shower.But first I had cleaned up a little before my mom came from work and tell me I'm lazy.