Luna and the Moon [H.S]

35: overwhelming.

Thank you for being patient with me.. I'm so out of the loop with writing I might be taking a while getting back into this. The funeral was yesterday so I'm still a little distant but I just wanted to post something for you all, let you know I'm okay and I'm back..... shit gets explicit at the end.

This is gonna be a couple days later I think, so she's not got Mother Nature hating her womanhood anymore hahahah.

There is a saying that claims 'home is wherever the heart is', you know I'd believe that any day, but damn I was thankful to be back home in London. Harry had dropped me off and said he would be back with Chinese food later after he's cleaned his apartment and unpacked his stuff. I missed him already, I really did.

I already missed Harry's family, I did receive a text from Anne just after Harry dropped me off, my heart was warm and my cheeks were painful from my beaming smile.

From Anne, 7:45pm,
Hi sweetheart, just wanted to check you both got home safely? Thank you for coming when you did, Harry really needed you he just wouldn't admit it. I'm glad you sorted through your problems, whatever they were, call if you are ever in a situation like that with him again I'll talk some sense into the boy. Hugs and kisses, Anne xxx

She reminded me of my mother, you didn't get a brief message you would receive a full paragraph with different points being made throughout.

I had finished cleaning up my own apartment; changing the bedding, fixing the heating, wiping the kitchen counter... I don't know how long Harry plans on staying at mine for, but however long he chooses will not worry me any. I don't quite like the idea of him being all alone for the first time since hearing of Robin's death, because he's always been with his mother or Gemma, or myself, never all on his own. I do worry he's sat right now, bawling his eyes out and his heart is in agony, but I know when I see him I can hold him and let him say what he wants about whatever he wants.

If he wants to talk about some shit song he heard on the radio on our way home, he can. If he wants to talk about Gemma's failed attempts of baking this morning, he can do so. If he wants to talk about how he feels about everything in his life currently, I will allow him to and I will listen eagerly.

I'm not the best with advice, honestly I never have been, I always struggled to say the right thing and find the correct words to express and explain what I mean. It's happening all over again, struggling to know the right thing to say. I mean I have gone through a very similar situation — losing my parents — but that doesn't make me an expert or a wiz at advice. It just makes me understand his words better than someone who hasn't lost a parent before.

In the space of two weeks after I lost my parents I thought I lost myself, then I randomly got involved with Harry and found myself changing and clinging to a stranger. They always say stranger danger, don't talk to people you don't know... Yet somehow his deep dimples, cheeky grin and green forest like eyes lured me in and didn't seem so foreign like. I didn't have time to grieve the way I should have, I blocked myself off from humanity by putting my head down and never speaking a word to anybody unless it was more than a yes or no answer. I'm not saying I threw away my chance to grieve by spending every chance I got talking or being with Harry, but I just wonder if I hadn't met Harry until say four or five weeks after their deaths would I have been different.

What would be different if that had happened? Maybe I wouldn't have even met him, or maybe I wouldn't have have sat back down after he made me feel shitty for getting a job handed to me. Maybe I'd have walked out and never seen him again... I don't like to think of the maybes but I can never help myself, I'm sure everybody is the same. You think about the what if's and the maybes more than what is actually happening right now.