Luna and the Moon [H.S]

41. fix a heart.

^ linked song is what I had on repeat, this whole chapter is based off this song. Sorry it's so short x

The bench was cold beneath me, my eyes wouldn't stop staring up at the green leaves as they swayed in the soft wind. How unproblematic life would be if you could just sway in the wind all day long. Nobody to bother you, no feelings hitting you unexpectedly and no unwanted thoughts crossing your already messy mind. What a dream. I looked down at my tattered shoes, the white was covered in blotches of dirt and the pure innocent shade had turned an offish colour. The tips of the laces were practically black as they'd managed to dip into dirty puddles I would walk through.

These shoes have gone through a lot. My father bought them for me, he absolutely hated how clean they looked so he scuffed them about by bashing them against the wall outside. My mother was very annoyed by that, but I thought it was funny. Every new pair of shoes I get — unless it's heels — I like to bash them against a wall or rub them against the pavement.

I feel like Harry must do this too, but with hearts rather than shoes. I feel like he's taken my heart from its secure place in my chest, ripped it away from the plush cushion it rest upon and smacked it against the wall.

I've ran out of bandaids, I used them all up along with the tube of glue. I've had to fix my heart way too many times, even before Harry walked into my life.

I put my hopes up majorly as I allowed Harry to work his magic, I allowed his heart to swarm around my own and hold it safely. Except it wasn't safe, his heart wasn't the bubble wrap I thought it was and nobody put a fragile stamp over my heart. Along the way I was left battered, shattered and abused, whilst Harry only received minor cuts and bruises.

Seeing his face again felt like salt in my wounds. Like his hand was covered in salt and he grabbed my fresh sliced heart, twisted his fingers in each gash and allowed the stinging salt to burn the breaks in my beating organ.

I make him out to be a cruel lover, someone that's hurt me in multiple ways. But when you have a significant other you should at least feel like they are there. Unfortunately to me, it sometimes felt like I was alone and he was a million miles away from me. He was such an amazing boyfriend, no doubt about that, but he lacked in some areas.

I want the best for him I do, but I don't think that is me. I want to hold his hand and pull him to me, hold him close and tell him I'm sorry for not talking to him sooner. But you know what they say, I wants don't get.

He's never spoken his true feelings, I know what has gone wrong and I feel like I could fix it easily, but I can't be sure I could do such a thing without verbal confirmation. I want him to tell me what he wants. Does he want me still? Does he love me still? Is he sorry?

It may only be a kiss, but that's really punched and laughed at the bottle of trust I had for him. Mitchell told me he was falling in love with me, he broke that trust I left for him and I had such a small amount left over which I put all in for Harry.

The wind swirled around me, loose leaves that separated from the thin wooden branches twirled through the whipping air like tiny ballerinas. Strands of my hair that had fallen loose from my ponytail brushed against my cold cheeks.

Right now I have two options. I'm staring at these two doors in my head, two tight and securely shut doors. One door has Harry, an apology, explanation and forgiveness. The other door has a new beginning, new chapter and no Harry.

Picking has always been a struggle for me. Back in High School I remember my mother asked what bigger present I wanted for my birthday; a phone or these concert tickets I had been begging for, for so long. To say I was truly torn was an understatement.

I fought with my mother for two weeks straight, explaining my struggles at picking one over the other and asking for both. But I wasn't allowed, for very good reasons; prices. Four days before my birthday she offered me an ultimatum; get one now and get the other for Christmas. I just had to pick which I wanted sooner than later. In the spur of the moment I jumped for the chance of these concert tickets.

As time got closer to Christmas I began disliking that artist I got tickets to see and decided to sell the tickets.

The point of my rambling is that I can't for the life of me make a wise decision on one or the other. I also have a habit of giving up on things; like the tickets. If I picked the other door which didn't have the man of my dreams behind it, I could go through the rest of the year seriously regretting that choice.

They say you won't know until you try, but I want to know how I will feel after I make whichever choice I choose to make. I feel like I'm looking at a complex jigsaw, or trying to glue the pieces to a shattered mirror or lamp back together. Looking at all the shards of my broken heart and the pros and cons to my situation, it's giving me a damn headache and I don't know where to start.

This heartbreak I feel is proof that you can't ever fix a heart, no matter how hard you try or how badly you want to succeed. There's no logical way of fixing a broken heart.

I want a fresh start, but I want Harry to be there too.

Maybe I can have both?

One final look at the elegant green leaves on the trees as they swayed so delicately, the shade reminding me of one thing.

In that moment I knew what door I was going to pick.

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A/n: y'all may hate me for the next chapter but as I said, I like to spice things up ;)

Also, I wrote this in 35 minutes IM SORRY ITS AWFUL!!!

Vote and comment guys, I feel like all the comments & votes have gone down :( are you guys bored of the story??? Please help me by sharing this story :(