Luna and the Moon [H.S]

31: letter.

* listen to the song on repeat as you read this, it got me all kinds of fucked up hahahah.

I stood back up to motivate myself in getting Harry up, but the moment my weight was off of Harry he immediately wrapped his arms back around me and we returned to the position we were in for three long silent hours. I slid my fingers through his hair and watched as his eyes fluttered shut, his head tilting into my stomach even more longing for more contact. His hair was so soft I found my eyes training on the brown messy curls. From the photos I've seen he used to have quite curly hair, now it's a lot more like subtle curls. I like it.

He rested his chin against my stomach, the action making me giggle. His smile didn't exactly reach his eyes like it usually would when we looked at each other, his eyes holding no emotion and that concerned me. I couldn't read him like I normally could, I couldn't see what he felt and act upon it before he could explain how he feels. His smile was lazy and forced, my fingers trailed down from his hair and along his cheeks, he has the softest skin it's something I tend to always notice when I'm touching his face. He sighed deeply and shut his eyes once more, hiding his pretty green moss coloured eyes from me.

"You okay? At least as okay as you can be," I asked, getting his eyes to open again and stare at me. He simply nodded but shrugged at the same time, he didn't seem to know how he felt which I guess is explainable, I remember being confused too. It's weird, it's like you want to be angry at life that it's kicked you with something like stealing your parent away from you, but you also want to cry because you miss them, sleep because you think it'll take away the pain momentarily... Smile from the memories. You are hit with an overwhelming amount of different emotions and it's almost like swimming in a pool filled with inflatable toys but there's so many it's hard to actually swim properly. "Can I hear your voice?"

He shook his head before getting to his feet and walking away from me, in a moment of sheer panic I followed him, curious of where he was going. The bathroom.

The door was locked when I tried open it, I could hear sobs through the thin wooden door and I rested my forehead against the door and looked down at my shoes. The whites of my converses were extremely dirty, the laces were messily tied in my rushed state this morning — that felt like days ago. I slept on Harry's floor outside his apartment door last night, I probably looked like a damn mess.

"Luna?" I looked up but the voice wasn't from Harry, it was from Gemma. "Is he okay?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I know what this is like so I guess I have the upper hand of being able to help him," I shrugged. I did know what this was like and everyone knew that, maybe I'm glad Harry and I fell out the start of this week, I don't think I could see or hear about Robin without completely losing it. I met him once but knowing I didn't get to say goodbye to my parents I wouldn't have been able to stay strong for Harry. She opened her mouth to speak but Harry yanked the door open before she could do so, he glanced at me then at Gemma before quietly walking away and towards the stairs. Except this time it looked like he wanted to be alone and I don't exactly want to face that conversation concerning us just yet.

I'm scared of the truth and I'm scared to hear what I don't want to hear, like he doesn't love me.

"He'll be okay," Gemma said strongly, it sounded more like she was trying to tell herself that rather than me. Deep down I'm repeating the same words too. I followed Gemma through to the kitchen where Anne was sat in silence beside Jack at the kitchen table, she looked deep in thought as she stared at the window revealing the dark clouds. "Harry's gonna be fine."

"We should have told him," Anne sighed.

"Told him what?" I asked.

"We knew he wasn't getting better since last summer when he had his first heart attack, but we didn't want to worry Harry and have him move back home when he was happier in London," she explained. They knew Robin was slowly dying and they failed to inform Harry, maybe that explains why when we left here at Christmas they seemed eager to have Harry return, maybe they knew he wouldn't survive much longer. I want to know more but I can't at the same time, I really do not want to pry in business that is none of my concern. "Are you sure you feel okay sweetie, Harry said you weren't well and it sounded pretty serious."