AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! But it's so much fun!!!!
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The next day I woke up in my bedroom. Where did you think you were going to wake up? On top of the roof? It was snowing and raining again. That is called sleet! Where you trying to make a word count or something? I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. I'm pretty sure blood has to be in the fridge if it's not going to be used right away. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. That screams GOTH....not. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR You should say 'My Chemical Romance' at this point in case there are people out there who don't know. t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, I found a black leather pencil skirt once at a store. I tried it on and it was uncomfortable. How can you wear a dress made out of it? I'll stick with leather jackets. a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. So you dressed like a hooker? I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.
My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u! Random friend shout out time! ) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. Back up. She grinned at you, flipped her hair, THEN opened her eyes....creepy. She put on her Marilyn Manson Fun fact, Marilyn Manson came up with his stage name from Marilyn Monroe and 60s killer Charles Manson. t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) Is the makeup you're wearing important to the story? If it's not, then don't mention it.
"OMFG, Again, spell it out for people who don't know what this stands for. I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.
"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.
"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. By the way she wrote this it sounds like the Slytherin common room opens right into the Great Hall.
"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. I think there should be a comma after No. Or an exclamation point.
"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.
"Hi." he said.
"Hi." I replied flirtily. I just looked it up flirtily is a word, but how do you say 'hi' in a flirtily way?
"Guess what." he said.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. Why would a muggle band be playing in a all magical village? Or is Good Charlotte now a wizard band? Also, how would DRACO MALFOY know muggle bands?!
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I think Malfoy just lost his hearing. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.
"Well.... do you want to go with me?" he asked.
I gasped.
There we go chapter two done. Only nine hundred and ninety nine thousand to go.
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My immortal, the commentary
FanfictionJust me Monkee66, putting in my thoughts on 'my immortal'