Meteoroids

Daring

"You see the sad in everything, a genius of love and loneliness,"

-Agnes by Glass Animals

Catena and I walk close together down the narrow path, the sunset dashing the trees with orange and pink beams. We walk in total silence. Comfortable silence. At least I hope it's comfortable silence. 

Suddenly she grabs my arm and stops. I look up. She's pointing off into the brush. There's a deer. It eats uninterrupted, its shiny coat illuminated by the colors of the sunset. It looks up at us, its giant antlers seem to capture all of the forest between them. It may sound strange, but in that moment that is how I felt. 

We stare in awe as the creature delicately trots away, at a calm and unaffected speed. They must not be used to humans and predators out here. Strange. 

Once the deer disappears beyond the trees we keep walking. "The hawk feather, what's the deal with that?" I ask nodding to the large feather tucked behind her ear. 

She pulls it out and holds it in front of us. "It used to be attached to a dream catcher on my porch, but it fell off. It was sitting there and I didn't want to bring it back inside so I took it with me."

"Dream catchers must mean something to you, since you're Native American, right?" I realize my words could be taken as something offensive. 

"No, they mean just as much to me as they do to you. My parents are both Native American, but my dad was adopted by white parents. Only my mother remained with her people. She was really connected to our culture. She died when I was two, and my dad didn't really retain any information about our past."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry..." I tell her, looking down at my feet. She shrugs, but only a little. Like a heavy weight is crushing down on her shoulders.

"Have you tried doing some research?" I asked. She nods. "The libraries do not have much. All I know is my mom was part of the Massachuset tribe, and I'll give you three guesses as to where they were located."

I laugh. "Massachusetts?" 

"Yes. They were one of the first groups to encounter white settlers. A lot of them died after that." I nod glumly. 

"Have you tried googling them? I'm sure you can find lots of information that way."

She stares at me blankly and tilts her head to the side. 

"You know, on the computer?"  

She nods slowly. "Right. Sorry, I have never used a computer before."

My eyes widen. "Never?"

"My father does not trust modern technology. He says it killed my mom. But a computer did not kill my mom. She killed herself."

I gasp before I can tell myself not to. Catena squeezes her eyes shut briefly. She is trying not to get too upset.

"He thinks that because months before her suicide she took a job at a company that uses a lot of computers and other technology and it made her depressed. I don't agree with him. Depression is what made her depressed. I think it's genetic." 

She looks away into the forest like she is searching for another deer. 

I don't know how to comfort her. 

~

Finally we stumble through the entrance and into my backyard. We make our way through the overgrowth to my back door. I swing it open and let Catena step in first.