Living in London

completely and utterly wrong

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PREVIOUSLY

"We need to talk," I sighed, putting my hand lightly on Zayn's forearm, which was currently folded across his chest.

"Yeah," he agreed. "We do."

I faced him on the couch, unable to start talking. I didn't know what to say. How am I meant to start this? I mean, he looked so... so... blank.

"Why didn't you tell me, Ariadne?" Zayn asked, looking down. His voice was small and I literally felt like crying.

"I was scared," I admitted.

His eyes flicked up to mine for a second before dropping back to his hands which were toying with the rings on my fingers. "Don't you trust me?"

"It's not a thing of trust!" I said quickly. "If it was, I would have told you before I told anyone else! I was scared, Zayn, don't you get that?"

"Of course I get it! That's why I want to know why you didn't come to me!" He looked me dead in the eyes. "You can tell me anything, Ari. I'll always be here for you."

I tipped my head forward and my hair fell around my face, hiding it. Zayn gently pushed it to the back of my neck. "I was scared that you'd blame me for everything. I was scared you would hate me."

"I would never do that, Ariadne. I just wish you told me. I mean, I thought we were meant to be going out," he said quietly and I closed my eyes.

"But it wasn't real, Zayn. At least, for you it wasn't."

"What makes you say that?"

"You said so yourself, remember?" I sighed and Zayn remained quiet. I opened my eyes to look at him. He refused to make eye contact with me no matter how long I looked at him.

"I... I lied."

I straightened up. "Wait... what did you just say?"

He looked down again, brushing more hair out of my face. His hand lingered on the back of my neck. "I lied. I'm sorry, okay? Just hear me out. I did get over Danielle, thanks to you. But I saw the undoubtable chemistry that you and Harry had. And then when you told me you liked him..." I felt a wave of guilt crush me. "How was I supposed to just get in the way of that? I mean, I knew I couldn't be happy to constantly fight with Harry because we both wanted you, but I had you. You wanted him too, so I let you go. I had you, Ari, and I let you go. It was one of the dumbest things I've ever done in my life."

"You don't mean that," I whispered, looking into his eyes.

"When you find a diamond, you don't throw it back into the mine," he told me and I pursed my lips. "I wanted you back so badly, Ariadne. I don't know if you understand how much I need you. To fall asleep next to you and wake up with you in my arms; I need that, Ari. I- I need you. But I know that something is going in with you and Harry at the moment. I see the way you look at him, but I'm worried he's going to hurt you. I won't let that happen, though. I won't let anyone hurt you ever."

For the briefest second, my eyes flicked down to Zayn's lips then back up to his eyes again. Zayn moved a bit closer to me. I stayed where I was.

I licked my lips lightly and couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to have his pressed against mine again, just one more time.

---

I like to believe that I didn't know what I was doing. It makes me feel better as a person, I guess, but deep down I think I knew. I mean, I wouldnt feel this guilty if I didn't know.

Zayn leaned closer to me slowly as though he was testing my boundaries. My eyes fluttered closed and I could feel his breath, warm on my face. He was about to close the gap when-