Living in London

Normal

HARRY'S POV

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I sank down with my back against my bed, head between my hands. I was a mess and there is no way I'm letting anyone see me like this. Anger and tension built in a ball in my chest, getting bigger and bigger until it was about to explode. I could feel it coming, any time now. I don't know when or what would trigger it, but I was going to go off.

I was a ticking time bomb.

My breathing began to come faster as I began to hyperventilate. What is wrong with me? My eyes prickled with tears and I pulled the collar of my shirt up over my face and just let it all out. I hardly ever cry, and when I do I don't usually cry loudly like this.

I need to talk to someone. I don't know who I can speak to though. Ariadne probably hates me, the boys will probably take her side- after all, she was the pregnant one.

But no-one seems to understand the impact this has had on me. She's not the only one who lost something; it was my baby too.

I tried to calm my breathing but it wasn't working. My skin was hot and sticky like it was the middle of summer and the room felt smaller. No matter how many breaths I took, my lungs felt no relief. I gasped for more air but my lung still burned and I could still feel palpitations.

I think I'm having a panic attack.

Pulling myself up of the floor, I sat with my knees close to my chest, counting each breath and trying to stop crying.

It was just getting worse and my crying was louder.

I think I'm going insane.

Suddenly my door swung open and Louis barged in, stopping abruptly when he saw me curled up against the wall. I squeezed my eyes closed, not wanting him to witness this. Maybe if I can't see him, he won't see me. I took a couple more deep breaths and rested my face on my knees.

Louis is going to think I'm crazy. Then I'm going to he admitted to some kind of mental ward and the band is going to have to go on without me. Eventually they'll throw me out and replace me with someone more talented and nicer and better looking than me and soon the world will forget I ever existed.

My mattress dipped next to me and I felt arms wrapped around my shoulders. I lifted my face a little and saw Louis. He was holding me against his chest and his lips were pressed into a thin line, but he didn't let me go until I was done crying into his shirt.

At the moment I felt like a small child and Louis was my father rather than my best friend. The way he was comforting me now showed his age. It seems like he's always just happy-go-lucky-Louis, but when it comes down to it, I think he's the strongest of us all and he'll always be there for us, no matter what.

"Sorry," I muttered, pulling away from him after my tears had stopped and my breathing had calmed. I was too drained to even be humiliated at the moment.

I leaned my back against the wall next to Louis and turned to look at him as he spoke. "You don't need to apologize, Harry."

I shrugged and turned back to stare at the wall opposite. "I should though. I don't deserve comfort right now."

He stared at me but I refused to make eye contact. "Why did you do it?" he asked, and I turned to look at him curiously.

"What, get her pregnant?"

"No, accuse her of sleeping with Zayn or Brandon and then yell at her for not telling you."

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. I didn't want to answer his questions. I just wanted to sleep. To sleep until this was all over and everything was back to normal.