And So We Fall

Sunday Bloody Sunday

*Ryan's POV*

Dottie stares at me from the doorway as I place the last shirt in my suitcase. Vicky and Gabe should be here any minute. Vicky was hesitant about leaving L.A. for such an extended period of time, but I insisted. I can't take one more second of this city. There are too many familiar buildings and faces and days and nights. It's become claustrophobic. This city I once called home has stabbed me in the back and choked me until I couldn't breathe. I look at Dottie once again. She tilts her head and lets out a whine. I tug at my collar.

I close the shiny aluminum latches on the suitcase and haul it off the bed. The leather feels worn and old, as if this were owned by a traveler, a man who climbs on airplanes and sees whatever he wants to see. A man who isn't grounded to any place or anyone.

I am not that man. But I'll try to pretend I am.

They say his album is coming out soon. Two weeks. I'll be on the other side of the country when his record is being put on the shelves. I try not to think about it. I try not to think about if he'll be at the release party, waiting for me. Standing among his admirers, looking for the one person who won't show. I nearly scoff at my own fantasy. It's ridiculous. I try to convince myself of that. It's been over a year; we've both moved on. It's ridiculous.

I pat Dottie on the head and usher her into the living room where her carrier is. I throw in some of her favorite toys: a duck that quacks when squeezed and a teddy bear named Abel that used to belong to Shane back when I lived with him. It was his growing up, and I'd always make fun of how he still slept with it. It was the only thing I took of his when I moved out. I don't know why I kept it - it's just a dusty old stuffed bear. But to him it wasn't. I guess that was enough for me.

Dottie trots in her carrier and curls up next to Abel just as I hear a knock on the door. Vicky is there waiting for me, a wide smile decorating her face. "Ready? Gabe is waiting in the taxi." She shakes her head in disbelief. "God, Ryan. All the way to New York? I mean, I'm excited, but we could've filmed here. What does New York have that Los Angeles doesn't?"

"It has strangers." I say simply, grabbing my suitcase and Dottie and heading out the door.

***

"Don't mention anything about the film. Just that we need young males aged twenty to twenty-five. And mention me. Don't forget to mention me."

"I got it, I got it." Vicky mumbles as her fingers race across the light blue typewriter. She bites on her lower lip as her eyebrows furrow in concentration. Gabe is sitting in a chair next to her, feet up on the desk and smoking languidly. I'm pacing behind them both, running my hands through my hair like a madman. I hear a soft ping and my head shoots up.

"It's done?" I ask Vicky as I snatch the paper from her - not to be brash, but out of uneasiness. Just thinking about these auditions has made me break into a cold sweat. I've never acted like this before for previous films. They were all just faces. Just names and faces playing useless parts in a useless movie. But this one... this one is different. This one is too honest. They aren't names and faces anymore. They're me and they're him and they're them. And I'm terrified of the outcome.

"I'd hope so. I put everything on there. The date, the time, the address, the age range. Everything except the plot." She smirks a little.

I quickly read over the large, bolded letters on the flyer. AUDITIONS BEING HELD FOR RYAN ROSS' NEW SHORT FILM. NEED MALES AGED 20-25. MARCH 30th, 1971, 2:00pm, 253 WEST 81st ST.

I nod curtly. "Good. Very good." I place the paper on the desk. "Ninety-nine more and we're good to go."

Vicky looks a little exhausted at hearing the total, but despite her tired eyes, she keeps a smile on her face. That's what I like best about her. She's not one to complain.