Doctor Engel [A Spanish bestseller now in English!]

CHAPTER 15

(Natalia)

I get out of the taxi and hand the money to the driver. After all, I'm more than twenty minutes early. I take a look at the place, and I see that there is a quiet, green area. There is a huge park with benches, trees and flowers. I decide to go there and sit on one of the benches while I wait.

This is the first time that I have been out of the hotel alone after the incident at the mall. I can't help but feel afraid. For the last couple of weeks that I have started to fear the outside. I feel distressed when I'm out, even when I'm not alone. I constantly look behind me, and I have this feeling of being watched. I close my eyes, trying to loosen my tense muscles and I let the air caress my face. It feels nice.

My mind starts to wander, and it only brings me images of Cesar. Laughing, talking, eating, walking, and hugging me. Our kiss. But also the most recent event. Erika's kiss.

'Damn it!', I say to myself while I open my eyes and staring at nothing. 'Why do I have to feel this way?', I'm sure I'm jealous. 'But why jealous?', I don't want to be, I can't and I should not fall in love with an impossible person. I don't want to suffer more because of love. But something is telling me that it's already too late. I'm sure that I have feelings for him.

I miss his company, his attention, his humor... 'Why did I have to tell him that?', I argue with myself. It was the most wonderful thing that had happened to me in years, and I fucked it up big time. Although I believe it doesn't matter anymore. He looked so happy with her, today. Erika suits him better. He deserves someone like her, not a poor idiot like me. My phone rings and I jump in an exaggerated way. This is going to kill me I know. One can't live in a state of alert twenty-four hours a day.

'Yes?' I answer, a little agitated.

'Hello, Natalia, this is Andrea. About the apartment. I just wanted to tell you that I'm already here. Go to the address in the ad.'

'I'm coming,' I say and hang up.

I walk through the Park until I get to the area where the apartment is located. I like the building's facade. It's made out of red bricks, very simple, but not bad. I press the intercom button and Andrea answers. She unlocks the door for me and I open it finding a beautiful marble wooden-railed staircase. There is no elevator, but it doesn't matter, because I'm going to the first floor. I go upstairs quickly and get to the door. Is white, shielded and with a small peephole.

I greet the girl and she starts to show me the place. It's prettier than what is shown in the pictures. Spacious and light, I can imagine myself living here. It has two rooms. In the first room there is a large bed and in the second, a smaller one. I could turn the smaller room into an office easily. It reminds me that I have to return to the job market as soon as possible. The next thing on the list is to find a job.

I decide to rent the apartment without thinking too much. We sign the paperwork right there and I pay the deposit and the current month. The only inconvenience is that I won't be able to move until two weeks time. It needs painting. I go out satisfied about my decision. I walk to the nearest bus stop to wait for a cab. It finally feels likes I'm taking control of my life with my own hands.

Now comes the worst part. To tell Cesar about my decision. I feel a sharp pain in my heart, though I'm sure he doesn't care. Once my new life begins, everything will be over, we won't see each other anymore. This I going to affect me more than him, in fact he might feel relieved once I tell him I'm leaving. I think he doesn't dare to ask me to leave and is keeping me at the hotel out of pity, because I don't have a lot of places to go here in Madrid. I could go to Laura's until I get the keys of the new apartment, but it would be like waving a flag for Mario to find me.